Archive for May, 2012


Our Top Ten Worst Superhero Movies

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May 31, 2012

So after we published ourt list of our favorite Superhero movies based on a comic book, a demand was brought to our attention, you want a countdown of what we think are the worst Superhero movies. We being your humble movie reviewers, have no choice but to grant your wish. So here it is, and feel free to tell us we are wrong….or right, we are okay with that too.

10. Superman 4: The Quest For Peace. We were all questing for a good movie, but this is what they gave us, a Superman clone that needs to tan. BARF.

9. Batman and Robin. Thank you Joel Schumacher for putting nipples on the batsuit and burying this franchise for a decade, so Chris Nolan could relaunch it into greatness like a chiseled phoenix  with a grudge.

8. Daredevil. Ben Affleck makes us all wish we were blind too. And don’t get us started on Electra…

7. The Spirit. Um it’s like Sin City, but it’s not. That is the nicest thing we can say about it.

6. Howard The Duck. Yes technically he’s a superhero, he hung out with Man-Thing, and did stuff. And he totally nails a hot chick in this movie; inter-species erotica at its best, people.

5. Captain America (1990). Salinger should stick to writing. Wait, what? It’s his kid? Well that guy should stick to being a trust fund baby.

4. Fantastic Four, and FF 2. It’s sad when you have a big budget and a cheap Roger Corman version does it better. Chris Evans’ talent is completely wasted in this.

3. Steel. Superman get’s Shaq Fu’d in this shiny metalic turd. It makes Kazzam look like The Shawshank Redemption.

2. Supergirl, and Catwoman. Here are two movies that are so bad, yet strangely watchable, well at least once. The interesting thing is that both films have nothing in common with their comic book counterparts.

1. Ghost Rider. Unleash your inner Cage, and you may set your head on fire too. What a waste of time, and more upsetting, what a waste of a cool character.

This could have easily been a top 20 type of deal, but in the interest of your valuable time, we made it short. Leave us a comment and let us know what would have been in your top 10!

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What I’ve Always Wanted For My Birthday…

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May 28, 2012

The Toy (1982)

Down on his luck writer Jack Brown (Richard Pryor) needs to come up with some money quick, or the bank is going to take his house.  The only work he can find is as a night-time cleaning lady at a department store.  One night, while rocking out on his head phones, he’s making a mess of the place and playing with anything he can get his hands on.  That also happens to be the same night the store’s owner, wealthy tycoon U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason), invites his son to pick out anything he wants from the store.  So naturally the young boy picks out the stand-up comic who at one time set himself on fire while smoking crack.  What kid wouldn’t want that?  Jack is a little more than pissed that some kid wants to buy him, as we’re pretty sure slavery still wasn’t around in the 1980’s.  But his mind is slowly changed for him by the increasingly tall stack of cash that is currently in his outstretched hand.  He really doesn’t have a choice, as he needs the money, so he agrees to be Eric Bates’ toy for a week.

Almost immediately he regrets this business decision, as the kid is really a rotten little shit.  He’s been spoiled all his life, and no one has ever told him ‘no’.  He doesn’t really know how to interact with other people; especially ones that have been bought for him to play with.  Eventually Jack learns to tolerate Eric is small doses, and offers advice that his own father won’t, to try and help him be a better person.  Just when you think things are going well, Jack is deliberately embarrassed at a party by U.S.’s wife and leaves for home.  Soon one of Bates’ goons shows up with a check for $10,000 to come back.

Now Jack and Eric are close friends, who are able to share in the fact that neither one of them care for U.S. as a person.  They go on to write a paper about all of his miss-doings, and hand it out to people on the street. U.S. of course is pissed, but can’t really do anything about it.  Things come to a head however on their last day together, when U.S. throws a fundraiser for the KKK which is also an attempt to blackmail a senator.   This doesn’t sit well with Jack or Eric who trash the party, sending everyone running for their lives; but also end up saving the life of U.S.  It’s only then that Eric and the rich old bastard realize that they really do love each other; and as a thank you, get Jack  a writing job at U.S.’s newspaper.

Alex’s Thoughts:  As a young whipper-snapper, I really liked this movie. Mostly because there are some funny parts, and I was always jealous of all the cool things Eric had.  But watching it now, it’s hard to ignore just how racist this thing is.  A rich guy buying a grown black man for his son to play with?  There is no way this thing would get made today. No way.  The implied notion of slavery is one thing, but also there are some very inappropriate things going on between Jack and Eric.  Maybe it’s just me being a father, but I wouldn’t let my kid be in a movie like that.  I guess if you liked it as a kid it might be a nostalgic thing to watch it again, but if you’ve never seen it, you might want to pick a Richard Prior movie with Gene Wilder in it like Stir Crazy or Hear no Evil, See No Evil.  Alex Rates This Movie 4/10

Tim’s Thoughts: I am going to sound crazy saying this, but this movie could have been good. Yes, but it would have to be so racist it’s nearly uncomfortable (like Blazing Saddles). Unfortunately they try to play that down, only so they can save it for the big finale. This movie is terrible, uninspired and a complete waste of Gleason and Prior’s talents. These guys are comedic giants, and here they are in this unpolished turd. Don’t waste your time, it’s ignorant garbage.  Tim Rates This Movie: 1/10

“Who are we gonna tell God? We are gonna say “Hey God! life’s unfair!” You know what he’s gonna say “Tough Titties!”"

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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A Rare Gem?

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May 24, 2012

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)

It’s December in Finland as two young boys spy on some miners on the top of a huge hill.  The boys can’t figure out what these Americans could be digging for, and our main character Pietari suggests maybe it’s Santa, based on the time of year. The older boy basically tells him that he’s retarded and is too old to believe in Santa, which might be true since he is like 11.  They travel back down the hill and through a hole in the fence that surrounds the dig site, and return to their homes. Pietari can’t help but think maybe he was right about what’s down there, so he does a little research, and despite living in a tiny house, they have a huge amount of books on fairy tales and Christmas history.  It turns out that Santa isn’t the red-suited, jolly fat fuck we are all used to seeing around the holidays; he is actually a demon. He comes once a year to punish children who have been naughty, and snatches them from their homes to torture them or even kill them.  Hundreds of years ago, the locals lured Santa out onto a frozen lake and he fell through and froze solid.  They then cut him out of the ice and spend decades covering him with rocks and boulders encasing him inside a huge mound.  Just like the mound those fools were digging at, and is right next to his house.

Soon strange things begin to happen around the village: Pietari finds footprints on the roof outside his room, and his father’s herd of reindeer have been slaughtered.  His dad blames it on wolves and a hole that was cut in the fence outside the hill, and aims to give those Americans a stern talking too.  As they travel to the top of the hill, they find the dig site deserted, and a gigantic  empty hole.    The adults don’t know what to do, so they just sulk and go home.  The next day Pietari notices that the bait they use for their wolf trap is missing, and something must have fallen in the pit and ended up on the spikes below. He runs and tells his dad, who goes for a look, and tells him there is nothing there.  But there is… and old naked man has been impaled and is dead at the bottom of this hole.  After calling over a friend, Pietari’s dad needs to get rid of the body, so as he is about to cut it up, the guy springs back to life and attacks one of them.  He remains curled up in a corner and doesn’t move until Pietari comes around. The kid tells the adults his story about Santa, and lets them know that they have him cornered in their garage.  The adults get an idea, they will sell him back to the owners of the mining site!

As they meet the Americans for the exchange, a frightening truth is discovered. The guy they captured isn’t Santa at all, he is just an elf. At that moment we meet Santa’s other helpers and hundreds of guys just as old and just as naked as their elf come out of the woods towards them with weapons in-hand. The group runs into a warehouse to seek shelter, but that might not have been the best choice, as the real santa is in there: a giant horned creature still frozen in ice, but the ice is quickly melting.  They also find all the village’s children ready for Santa to judge when he wakes up, but also there is a shit ton of dynamite too. At this moment in time, Pietari goes from innocent little kid to total badass, and comes up with a plan. They fly the kids out on a chopper to lure the naked elves away, and the remaining guys stick dynamite all over the Santa popsicle.  They blow him up, and the elves sort of space out and don’t know what to do next.

Here is where the movie gets kind of trippy: the guys now have 200 old men on their hands, so what do they do with them?  The train them to be mall Santas and ship them all over the world as an export from the land of the real Santa.  Mind you these guys were trying to murder people five minutes ago…

Alex’s Thoughts: This thing starts out with a pretty clear explanation of what’s going on, but sort of slows down for a while and in parts works hard to bore you.  It picks up though when they find ‘Santa’, and it keeps pace well from then out. I like how near the end, the main kid drops his stuffed animal and turns into a bad-assed action hero.  The acting was pretty good throughout, but that is from someone who only speaks English and not Finnish.  I did not care for the ending at all. I didn’t really get it, and thought maybe it would have been better to just kill all those naked old men.  Alex Rates This Movie 8/10 

Tim’s Thoughts: I waited an extra day after watching this to write my review, I needed some extra time to digest this and figure out how I feel about this movie. It’s shot beautifully,and I am finding that the Scandinavians make very visually pleasing cinema, but the ending of this film is so strange, and out of left field…..I will say that 90 percent of this movie I really like, I just can’t make up my mind about the ending. If you don’t mind subtitles I recommend this, even if it’s just to see the crazy take on the Santa Claus mythology. Tim Rates This Movie: 8/10

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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Wanna See A Dead Body?

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May 21, 2012

Stand By Me (1986)

When a man discovers that one of his childhood friends was recently killed, he tells the story of one of their summer adventures together with two other friends.  As book smart Gordie (Will Wheaton), oddball Teddy (Corey Feldman) and bad boy Chris (River Phoenix), hang out in their clubhouse their overweight and nerdy friend Vern (Jerry O’Connell) shows up with some news: after listening to his brother’s conversation, he know where they can find the dead body of a missing boy, and asks the gang if they want to go see it.  Although it is a 30 mile trip, they all agree and lie to their parents and head out to the train tracks to follow them to the corpse.

Each of these kids has their own problems: Gordie’s dad dislikes him as he will never live up to his dead brother, Teddy’s dad had a breakdown after coming back from WWII, Chris is viewed as a thug because he comes from a bad family and Vern is just sort of a loser.  All of these issues come to light during their travel to the outskirts of town.  Along the way, they of course run into all manner of situations. They are almost hit by a train, are attacked by leaches and a junk yard dog (not at the same time) and are almost killed by the leader of a local gang who wants the credit for finding the boy’s body.  The whole thing from start to finish is an emotional rollercoaster that the viewer shares with this group of kids.

Alex’s Thoughts: Confession time… this is the first time I’ve ever watched this movie, despite The Body being the first Steven King story I ever read. I’m not sure why I’ve never bothered to watch it before, as it is an 80’s classic, but that problem has been rectified.  I liked it; I’m not sure how you couldn’t.  It is a movie full of young good actors; much like The Outsiders, everyone went on to be an adult actor and were pretty successful (even Jerry O’Connell to a degree).  The dynamic of the group was interesting and their journey reminded me of dumb stuff we used to do as kids.  Richard Dryfus’ narration was really good, not Ron Howard Arrested Development good, but still really enjoyable.  Alex Rates This Movie 8/10

Tim’s Thoughts: I don’t care how old you are, or who you are, this is a GREAT MOVIE! You just don’t find this many talented child actors and get them into one movie. Especially when it’s not a kid’s movie. I have nothing bad to say about this, the directing is crisp, the pacing is perfect, it’s funny when it needs to be funny and has the appropriate amount of sadness/melodrama for the issues that it deals with. It’s nearly a perfect coming of age story that is relevant to any generation. I still remember friends that I had when I was about that age, and while we never went looking for a dead body (we didn’t find one either) we had plenty of misadventures, and what’s probably saddest of all is where those friends are now. I watch this and feel that pull in my heart to be 13 again, when the world was so big, you could make following railroad tracks for miles the adventure of a lifetime.  Enough of my rambling, this movie is great, and if you’ve already seen it, watch it again. Tim Rates This Movie: 10/10

“Boy, you don’t know nothing! Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman’s a real guy. There’s no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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He Wants You Too Malachai

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May 17, 2012

Children of the Corn (1984)

Gatlin was just your average small farming town in rural Nebraska before a child preacher named Isaac showed up.  It wasn’t long until he convinced the other kids to kill all of the adults on a nice Saturday afternoon three years ago.  They now worship some sort of demon that lives in the corn field, who they call He Who Walks Behind the Rows. (Alex’s Note: when I saw this movie as a kid, I thought they were talking about a ‘rose’, so I was utterly confused as there isn’t a rose in the whole damn movie).  One of the kids of Gatlin wants out, so he makes a run for the highway to try and escape.  It isn’t long before Isaac’s second in command and main enforcer Malachi catches up to the boy and slits his throat, and pushing him in front of a passing car.

As Bert and Vikki, a couple moving across the country, look up from their map, they slam into some kid staggering in the middle of the road.  Thinking they just killed someone, they inspect the body only to realize what really happened to the poor little fella.  They stash the body in the trunk and proceed to try and find a town so they can hand him over to the cops.  It’s then that they roll into the town of Gatlin, which appears to be deserted.  Little do they know what happened there, or that the kids are all watching them and don’t take to kindly to outsiders.

The pair finds two little kids in an old house who aren’t as crazy as the rest of the bunch, so they fill them in on what’s going on around there.  Bert leaves to try and find some help, but as soon as he goes, the rest of the screwball kids break in and capture Vikki.  Bert must fight his way past a bunch of 12 year olds to try and get his lady back.  He stirs up some discontent among the kids and they decide that Isaac needs to go.  They crucify him in the corn field, and just as Bert thinks this is all a bunch of horseshit, some monster comes up and flings Isaac deep into the rows.  For some reason Bert feels obligated to help this kids that are trying to murder him, and aims to set the fields on fire before this monster kills everyone.  The end… until the 27 sequels that followed.

Alex’s Thoughts: Well I guess I can’t really say anything bad about this movie.  But after watching it for the 4th or 5th time, it  has become quite the bore. If you’ve never seen it though, you really need to, it is amazing how they fleshed out a 20-page short story into a feature-length film.  Admittedly there are some slow parts, but there is enough going on throughout to keep your attention.  The initial scene where the kids rebel and murder their parents is the highlight, then it sort of goes downhill from there.  I also really liked just the random placement of corn through the town when Bert and Vikki are walking around; it is placed in just the right place to make it look creepy, if corn could ever look creepy.  The climax isn’t as bad as remembered, but the effects are anything but special, and today they are just laughable.  Not one of the best Stephen King film adamptations out there, but probably worth a look if you’re a King fan.  Alex Rates This Movie 6/10

Tim’s Thoughts:For some reason I loved this movie as a kid, and I was hesitant to go back and watch this, mostly because I wanted to preserve my good memories. Right off the bat I was disappointed. The opening scene which I remembered as creepy, is instead ruined by a little kid narrator, not to mention that in the 3 years that pass from the prologue to the start of the movie NO ONE AGES! After I get over this the movie does pick up a bit, and I do like the creepy music, but it is definitely not as good as I remembered. That being said, I don’t think it ever gets boring, and Alex is right, there is some off putting corn placement throughout the film. All in all, not great, and could use a reboot, but you would need to keep Platinum Dunes away from it (that’s Micheal Bay’s production company, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Friday the 13th reboots,)  and let some young director with some fresh ideas get a hold of this. Tim Rates This Movie 5/10

“The Lord has chosen me as the bringer of His word and the giver of His laws! Disobedience to me is disobedience to Him!”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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Damn Sunday Drivers!

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May 14, 2012

Maximum Overdrive (1986)

As the tail of a rogue comet passes past Earth, strange things start to happen to the machines of the planet. First it’s just innocent things, like electronic signs start cussing, but it isn’t long before the situation gets a bit more severe: lawn mowers chopping people up, cars running people over and pop machines shooting cans of carbonated death at little leaguers.  Before too long  this electronic plague spreads to the Dixie Way truck stop.  It’s there where an electronic knife goes berserk and cuts a waitress, but luckily our hero/ convicted felon/ short-order cook Billy (Emilio Estevez) helps the poor woman out.  It’s soon after a video games kill someone, that they realize they are in a world of shit, as all of the semi trucks in the lot spring to life and begin to circle the truck stop.

Tensions inside run high, and people are scared, but Billy does his best to keep everyone calm, especially a hitch-hiking girl he just met whom he beds faster than you can say “promiscuous”.  So now it’s the truck stop workers and a few truckers against an army of diesel chugging possessed machines.  Luckily the owner of the place is a nutjob and has a ton of firepower in the cellar.  After blasting a few trucks with a RPG, they are confidant they can just wait in out until this whole thing blows over, as the trucks are eventually going to run out of fuel.

The next morning a few new vehicles show up: a bulldozer and a jeep with a mounted machine gun!  After blowing away half of the survivors, the jeep sends a message via Morse code: “fill us up with gas or die!”  Seems pretty simple, but after being slaves to the trucks for a few days, they’ve had enough and decide to make a break for it, in hopes of getting to a small island with no cars allowed.  Will this motley crew make it to the safety of the island, or will a giant mechanical shark eat their boat?  According the epilog, the do make it, and the whole thing was a plot by aliens who were hiding in the comet’s tail.  Really… it sort of seems odd and unnecessary for us to know that?

Alex’s Thoughts: While not a great movie, it does have some pretty good parts to it. It trods along just fast enough to keep you watching, but just barely.  There were some interesting scenes and although the technology is dated, there are some good kills as well.  It would be hard to make this and interesting movie today, as I doubt there would be many survivors with all of the technology we have now.  People’s cell phones would explode against their faces, or their iPod ear buds would choke them.  This might be a movie that only appeals to Stephen King fans, or fans of AC/DC, as their music is playing the entire movie, but that isn’t a bad thing.  Alex Rates This Movie 6/10  

Tim’s Thoughts:I disagree with Alex, I think this could be ripe for a remake, but it would need a lot of fixing, first of all the rules don’t make a lot of sense. Some cars have a mind of their own while others are fine. Also sprinklers aren’t really mechanical, at least not the kind that were in this movie. I understand that a lot of this is done for aesthetic,  but it just crowds the screen. I like the movie better than King’s original short story, and wouldn’t mind seeing him convert this screenplay into a full on novel. You can tell he’s trying to establish characters, and watching this movie with one of his books in mind makes this a much more interesting watch. he draws several characters together and mixes them into a melting pot of tension and suspense, or at least that’s what he’s trying to do. In his writing, King usually does a very nice job fleshing out characters and motivations, and jamming people who don’t mix well into terrible and traumatic situations. Unfortunately he doesn’t quiet pull this off, but I think he comes close. Also there is something to be said for some of the iconic images in this movie, you can ask nearly anyone my age about the movie with the killer Green Goblin truck and they will know what I am talking about. I like this more than most, and really respect the effort that was put into it. Also Emilio Esteves always gets a pass from me, he was the Mighty Duckman, and more importantly the Repo Man….. Tim Rates This Movie 8/10

“C’mon over here, Sugar-buns. This machine just called me an asshole!

View the IMDB entry for this movie here

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Don’t Touch That Dial

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May 10, 2012

The Running Man (1987)

After the failure of America’s economy, the country is ruled under martial law.  In order to appease the masses, the nation broadcasts game shows where the contestants will probably die; but that’s cool, because they are hardened criminals (most of the time). The highest-rated of these shows is called The Running Man, hosted by Damon Killian (Richard Dawson). Killian needs a contestant to bring in some extra viewers and put him over the top; he has his eye sent on a recent prison escapee named Ben Richards (Arnold Schwarzenegger). Richards is known as ‘the Butcher of Bakersfield’ after he killed 60 unarmed civilians during a riot; only he didn’t, the military just pinned it on him.

Richards is eventually captured at the airport, trying to flee the country with his female hostage, Amber.  He is all signed up for The Running Man, and fabulous prizes await him, if he can survive the 3-hour show.  He will have professional executioners on his tail the whole time, selected by the studio audience, and will be running for his life… could that be where they got the title from?  He won’t be alone in this game, as two of his prison friends will be joining him and eventually Amber joins in after learning the truth about Richards and the riot.

The group is dumped into a game zone set in the ruins of Los Angeles, and starts the battle for their lives.  They must defeat Sub Zero, a sumo wrestler on ice skates, Buzzsaw, a chainsaw wielding biker, Dynamo, an opera singer who wields electricity courtesy of a Lite-Brite covered suit and who is not above raping a contestant now and then, and then and finally Fireball a guy with a jet pack and a flame thrower.  Can all of our contestants live to see the end, and also bring down the network and possibly the corrupt country at the same time? Doubtful.   

Alex’s Thoughts: Growing up, this was one of the movie I watched a lot. While it’s still a good watch, it’s sad to see how dated this movie has become.  It never really relied too much on special effects to tell the story, when it did, those effects looked bad even then.  Recently this movie has been compared to The Hunger Games, though I’m not sure why.  Other than the ‘kill for entertainment’ concept this isn’t even close.  People have been entertained by death since before the Roman coliseum, and that need is filled today with horror movies and films like this.  The stalkers in this movie are anything but intimidating, and most just look like a bunch of old men that should be working at a butcher shop somewhere.  Arnie has his usual one-liners, but Jesse Ventura is the real star of this movie, despite only being on camera for like 5 minutes.  This movie could use a re-boot, which I am not usually in favor of, but there is a lot of potential here for something great, as this version falls short in a lot of places.  Alex Rates This Movie 7/10

Tim’s Thoughts: Yes this movie shows its age, and if you are tired of Arnold’s one-liners, then maybe you should pass. For me, it’s still pretty great, I can’t help but have fun watching Arnie and friends running around and blowing stuff up. I will fully admit that I will rate this high for the sole reason that I have loved this since I was a kid, but really there are some classic scenes, and Jesse Ventura really steals the show. Just take a look at the cast and all the other great movies they were in….Yaphet Kotto: Alien, Jesse V. and Arnold: Predator, Jim Brown!: Mars Attacks…. okay, maybe that wasn’t so great… Not to mention that I can’t help but think that Richard Dawson was really just playing himself. (I think he’s that sleazy, but that’s the appeal isn’t it?) This isn’t for everyone, but I think you will know just by the title or the cast if it’s for you. I will probably always enjoy going back to this movie with its eclectic cast. Tim Rates This Movie 8/10

“Who loves you, and who do you love?”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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Sometimes Dead Is Better

Filed under: Horror Hound, Movie Reviews — 2 Comments
May 7, 2012

Pet Sematary (1989)

The Creed family has just moved from Chicago to a beautiful country home in rural Maine.  The father, Louis, has started a new medical practice there and is trying to make a perfect life for his family; wife Rachel, daughter Ellie and young son Gage.  It isn’t long before the family befriends the old man across the street, a guy by the name of Jud, who takes a shining to the family, but warns them about the trucks that travel on the road.  That couldn’t be some sort of ominous foreshadowing, could it?

While working at the hospital one day, Louis tries to save the life of a jogger with a massive head injury named Pascow, but loses him; the guy comes back from the brink of death to warn Louis about an evil than lives behind his house.  Of course the curious doctor wants to know what all this hubbub is about, so the family treks down the path behind their house to find an old pet cemetery.   It’s here that Jud tells Ellie about death, and scares the crap out of her, and now she is terrified that her cat is going to die.  Fortunately for the story, that is exactly what happens while the rest of the family is away; the cat is hit by a truck, and Louis is stuck with this dead kitty. Jud has a plan, he takes Louis past the pet cemetery to the place where the now ghost Pascow has again warned him not to go.  They makes their way to an old Indian burial ground, and Jud urges him to bury the cat there, but offers no reasoning as to why.  The next morning, Louis wakes to that damn cat sitting in the house. He has returned from the dead thanks to the spot where he was buried.  Pascow’s ghost give Louis a hard time, explaining that things buried there will come back, but aren’t the same, as the ground has gone sour. What do ghosts know about anything, pffttt?

Just when you think all is well, young Gage wonders off from the family and is also killed by a truck.  Grief strikes the family hard, especially Rachel, who recollects the death of her sister, who was kept locked in a bedroom like a freak due to a medical condition. As Rachel and Ellie go out of town to spend time with family, Louis does the only thing he can think of – dig up Gage and re-bury him beyond the pet cemetery.  He does this even after Jud tells him a story of another person buried there who returned as an insane murderous monster.  Gage comes back, and after stealing a scalpel from his dad goes to visits Jud, and stabs him then eats him.  Bad boy!  Rachel returns home, and stops by Jud’s to say hi, but finds her imaginary dead sister and her real life dead son.  Louis finds some little footprints leading out of his house and finds the aftermath of Gage’s play dates. A dead friend, a dead wife, and a creepy living dead boy.  He puts the little bastard out of his misery, and proceeds to do something else dumb: bury his dead wife in the same cursed earth. Maybe this time it will work… it doesn’t.

Alex’s Thoughts: One of my favorite movies based on Steven King’s work (he even has a cameo as a priest).  This thing scared the crap out of me when I was a kid, and the homicidal zombie Gage is still creepy as hell, though the deformed sister Zelda isn’t quite as terrifying as I remember.  In the movie’s climax, the two have merged into one, with a double creep factor! It is actually a sad story about a guy who has trouble dealing with loss, and resorts to something dangerous for another chance to have a normal family and stop his pain. I also love that character of Jud, played by Fred Gwynne (a.ka. Herman Munster), I’ve always been jealous of that Northern Maine accent he uses.  Alex Rates This Movie 8/10

Tim’s Thoughts: I think this is one of the stronger Stephen King horror movies, not all of them have fared well over the years, and truly some are better than others. As in his books, King crafts scenes that stick with you, and in the movies, (when they do it right) it amplifies the intensity. Pet Sematary is  one of these films, from creepy kid, and the tension that builds from the death of the cat all the way to the climax, I feel that this still holds up pretty well. There are scarier movies out there, but for a King adaptation, (of which most are awful) Pet Sematary stands out. I enjoyed watching this again, and was honestly glad that I still liked it. Tim Rates This Movie 8/10

“The soil of a man’s heart is stonier, Louis. A man grows what he can, and he tends it. ‘Cause what you buy, is what you own. And what you own… always comes home to you.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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Site News: Our Top 10 Superhero Movies

Filed under: Author's Favorite, Nerdgasm, Site News — 7 Comments
May 3, 2012

With the release of The Avengers only days away, and summer’s big blockbusters of The Amazing Spiderman and The Dark Knight Rises not too far in the distance, we thought we’d come up with our top 10 superhero movies, strictly based on comic book characters (sorry Meteor Man).  So here we go…

10. Kick-Ass – While not as well-known and mainstream as Marvel’s and DC’s big superheroes, Kick-Ass was the everyday guy trying to make a difference.  Thanks to reconstructive surgery that dulled his pain senses, Kick-Ass could take a licking and keep on ticking.  Plus it’s just a fun movie to watch!

9. Blade – The Tomb of Dracula hero and occasional Spiderman side-kick got his own movie, which was a gamble at the time.  Wesley Snipes turned a character that few people knew about into a cash cow, with two sequels and an awful short-lived TV show.  While not as groundbreaking as the films that came before it, most people will agree that it’s a pretty good flick.

 8. The Watchmen – Before you get all mad about how this movie sucked, we will agree with you right now: it was far from perfect.  Making a single movie from Allen Moore’s best-selling graphic novel might have been a little too ambitious, but if you read the book, you know that they probably did the best that they could.  If you didn’t read the book, you probably felt lost the entire time, and that is very understandable.  For what it was, we think it was pretty good, plus the opening title sequence might be one of film’s best ever.

7. X-Men – The first X-Men movie really paved the way for the modern superhero flick, and wasn’t too bad of a film in itself.  It brought nerd culture front and center; and now it was alright to like comic book related stuff.  It made Hugh Jackman a star and cemented him in the role of Wolverine for a decade and a half.

6. Superman (1978) – Richard Donner’s movie pretty much broke the seal for all comic book movies that came later. It showed that a movie based on a comic book could be good, but also profitable.  Christopher Reeves as the Man of Steel, while sort of cheesy today, was a huge success when it came out, spawning three sequels.  And Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor might be one of the best movie villains.

5. X-Men: First Class – This movie revived a franchise that was loosing steam after the not great third movie and an awful Wolverine solo flick. First Class showed us how the whole thing started and we got to see some of our favorite mutants on-screen for the first time.  The standout of this movie has got to be Michael Fasbender as a young Magneto, his performance stands out even among some other really great ones.

4. Spiderman 2 – While the first one is great, it suffers from the typical first superhero movie issue: the lengthy origin story. Spidey 2 gets right into the thick of things as the web head battles Dr. Octopus and reveals his true identity to Mary Jane.  This summer’s reboot looks like it goes in a different direction as Peter Parker has a love interest and abilities more like in the first few years of the comic.

3. Batman – At the time no one thought that Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne/ Batman was going to work, as he was mostly a comedic actor, but it was a good fit with director Tim Burton.  The is was totally different Batman than most people were used to, since the general public only had the campy 60’s TV show for reference.  This movie was dark and gritty.  Jack Nicholson’s Joker is still a memorable villain to this day, mixing his performance somewhere between the cheesy Caesar Romero Joker from the show, and the phsyco killer from the comics of the mid 80’s.

2. Iron Man – Robert Downey Jr. makes this movie, plan and simple.  Without him as Tony Stark, this movie is average at best.  Marvel owes any success they have at any of the avengers related movies to him. The success of Thor and Captain America is directly related to how good Iron Man was: getting the general public to see a ‘not as well know superhero’ movie started with this one.

1. The Dark Knight – Was there any doubt that this would be #1?  It was clear within the first 2 minutes that Heath Ledger’s Joker was on screen, that this movie was going to be different; not just different, but great.  It has everything you could want in a movie, and you left the theatre thinking this might be the best movie you’ve ever seen.  Let’s hope The Dark Knight Rises is at least half as good as this one.

What did we miss? Leave us a comment and let us know.

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