Category: Action Jackson


Here Kitty Kitty

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February 25, 2013

The Ghost and the Darkness (1996)

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Irish Engineer John Patterson (Val Kilmer) has been tasked by a railroad company to build a bridge over a river in Africa; the catch is that he only has five months in which to complete his task, and his a-hole boss will not accept failure.   No big whoop; he’s good at what he does, plus his wife is preggers and due in six months, so he will be home by then.  Upon arriving in Africa, he sets to work, only to have one of the workers attacked by a lion.  It just so happens that Patterson is an expert hunter, so he camps out in the trees that night and kills the beast responsible, which equals a big hero for the locals.  Things go on without incident for a few more weeks, which is until another lion attack.

This time it isn’t so much as a bite and a complete dismemberment.  The local workers are scared but he killed the lion last time he can do it again.  Time and time again the beast kills and evades his capture, but that’s because there are two lions, and they are good at what they do: kill humans for the fun of it.  With his boss on his case, Patterson brings in an American professional hunter named Remington (Michael Douglas) to kill the animals, but he doesn’t fare much better. With the death toll over 40, the rest of the workers scram leaving Remington and Patterson to face the beasts alone.

Alex’s Thoughts:  This movie got slammed by critics when it came out, and watching it, you can easily see why: Kilmer can’t do any sort of an accent and Michael Douglas rushes through everything like he would rather be somewhere else.  Main acting aside, the rest of the movie is good in my opinion, and I have always liked this flick.  The story is great (and true) and it’s set in a beautiful location.  The effects are spotty, but working with live lions probably isn’t the easiest thing in the world.  I can overlook the acting because it is a good story, and hopefully this might get remade someday with some good CGI effects. This will want to make you rush to the Field Museum in Chicago to see the lions that killed at least 100 men, which are there on display. Alex Rates This Movie 7/10 

Tim’s Thoughts:I think Kilmer’s Irish accent is fine, and while Micheal Douglas isn’t amazing in this, the rest of the characters are pretty interesting. The pacing is snappy, and the story moves along well and keeps your attention. I liked this movie a lot when it first came out, and my opinion hasn’t changed. The directing is solid and the story holds up, I need to do some research to see how true all of the movie is, but I have seen the lion at the Field Museum, so I know that much is real. Tim Rates This Movie 8/10

ghost

View the IMDB entry for this movie here.

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Redeeming Qualities

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February 12, 2013

The Raid: Redemption (2011)

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A specialized SWAT team is preparing to take down a crime boss who is holed-up at the top of an apartment building.  They gain entry to the building and go room by room and floor by floor securing the building and trying up anyone they find along the way.  They don’t get much resistance until they get to the sixth floor, that is when the lights go out and a voice is heard throughout the building’s PA system. That voice belongs to the crime boss, and he offers a reward to anyone who can kill some of these cops.  The commanding officer asks his lieutenant to send backup, but he refuses since this operation is off the books and classified.  They are on their own.

It isn’t long before the SWAT team is decimated and only a few survivors remain.  It will be up to our hero Rama to take on hundreds of thugs and work his way to the top floor to complete his mission.  He ditches his guns in favor of a knife in order to do a little wet work, but he isn’t above using his feet and fists when needed.  All sorts of ass is kicked on his way up, and he takes a beating himself, but soon the tables will turn and a dastardly plot is revealed, but he receives some help from an unlikely source.

Alex’s Thoughts: I went into this not knowing anything, just that Netflix recommend that I watch it, which isn’t always a good sign based on all of the crap I see.  A couple other sites said it was good, so I decided to try it out, and was not disappointed.  It is a good old fashioned action movie like I grew up with in the 80′s: lots of fighting, lots of shooting and special effects kept down to a minimum.  There are a few fight scenes that are over the top, and I found myself laughing out loud, but it adds to the fun of it all.  The only issue that I have is, while the fights are really well choreographed, they are a little too obviously choreographed.  I know that’s just because they are so complex, but it doesn’t look very natural.  other than that, I loved it. It was a good story, with decent acting and much ass was kicked.  Guys who like action movies will love it.  Alex Rates This Movie 9/10

Tim’s Thoughts: This is easily one of the best action movies I have seen in recent memory. All of the fight scenes are so much fun and the director is bold, there are very few quick cuts, and most of the action takes place during long takes. There are very few obvious special effects and I  can’t remember a point where it looked like wire work was used. I kept laughing out loud at how crazy the fights got, and I was genuinely excited consistently throughout this entire movie. After sitting through some clunkers, it is refreshing to see something this much fun. I have been recommending to people I talk to, and I will continue to do so. Probably the most fulfilling  action movie in the last 10 years.  Tim Rates This Movie 10/10

TheRaid-1

View the IMDB entry for this movie here, or add it to your Netflix queue.

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To Hell With The 18th Amendment

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January 25, 2013

Lawless (2012)

Lawless Poster Group

It’s 1931 and prohibition is in full swing.  Luckily for those who need to get their drink on, the Bondurant brothers of rural Virginia are happy to offer up their premium moonshine for sale.  Things are going well for the trio; between the shine money and the profits from the gas station they run, they don’t want for anything.  Well two of them don’t. The youngest brother Jack (Shia LaBeouf) has dreams of fancy suits and new cars, but the head of the gang, Forrest (Tom Hardy), is content the way things are. It isn’t long before a corrupt district attorney tries to extort money from all of all the local moonshiners, then things start to go south. All the others gladly turn over a cut of their profits in exchange for the law turning a blind eye towards their operations, but not the Bondurants. No sir.  In fact they are going to sell more shine that ever, now that they can sell cheaper then their competition.

Well, the DA and his thugs don’t much care for that, so they go after Forrest, and after slitting his throat and damn near killing him, things fall on Jack to keep things going. He partners up with a gangster (Gary Oldman) and now the product is really moving.  With this new partnership the money is rolling in, and Jack is showing off all the things he can buy to anyone who will watch. This draws a lot of attention and people close to them start to get hurt. Eventually this leads to a standoff between all the local moonshiners and the DA’s forces.  Either the county will go dry or the Bondurant brothers will get their revenge.

Alex’s Thoughts: With the exception of Mr. LaBeouf, I would say this is one of the better casts recently assembled: Gary Oldman, Guy Pierce & Tom Hardy are all wonderful actors with all sorts of range, and together that makes for good movie watching.  With not enough Oldman for my liking, you still have Guy Pierce as the DA’s ruthless enforcer who you can wait for to get his and although Tom Hardy’s character doesn’t speak much, you still know exactly what his intentions are without any dialogue, simply by his on-screen presence. The story is good, albeit somewhat predictable, but that acting is where it’s at in this one.  Alex Rates This Movie 8/10.

Tim’s Thoughts: I am in love with this movie just for the cast, the problem is, I didn’t find it entirely satisfying. I kept wanting just a little bit more, it seemed to be missing something that could have really made this movie great. Not that it’s bad, because it isn’t, but there is just something I can’t explain, just out of reach that I really wanted to see in this. Despite these things, I would watch this cast in anything, and I dare anyone to take their eyes off of Guy Pierce for one second, it’s impossible, and of course Tom Hardy is the best. Plus it’s scored by one of my favorite musicians Nick Cave, so with everything going for it, I would have to say you should see this, even if it’s just for the performances. Tim Rates This Movie 8/10

“It is not the violence that sets men apart, alright, it is the distance that he is prepared to go.”

lawless brothers

View the IMDB entry for this movie here.

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Universally ‘Guy Approved’

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November 1, 2012

Universal Soldier (1992)

Luc Devereux (Jean-Claude Van Damme) is deep in the shit in Vietnam, which is further complicated by his sergeant, Andrew Scott (Dolph Lundgren), killing a village full of peaceful locals. Scott has completely lost it, thinking everyone is a traitor, including Private Devereux, who just wants to go home.  Reinforcements arrive right after the two soldiers kill each other.  Instead of listing the men killed-in-action, they report the entire platoon missing; the Army has plans for these corpses.  We jump 20 years into the future where the Army is using genetically enhanced soldiers to perform specialized missions. Guess who is part of that team?  That’s right, Devereux and Scott, renamed as GR-44 & GR-13 respectively.  They are the test subjects of some super-secret government experiment that revives dead tissue, and with the addition of tons of steroids, creates the perfect weapon.

Things have been going well up until their latest mission, when GR-13 starts having ‘Nam flashbacks and remembers that GR-44 is sort of a dickhead.  This happens again later and GR-13 escapes the program along with a female reporter, whom he was supposed to kill.  Together they flee from the Army, but are being followed with orders to terminate on-site.  GR-13 instincts tell him what he wanted to do just before he died: go home, and a now fully aware, GR-44 has the same instincts: kill all traitors.  An epic fight is about to ensue with a battle between JCVD and Ivan Drago. Who will win? Who will live to be in the next THREE sequels? Huh, we didn’t even know they made one.

Alex’s Thoughts: Once you put in the DVD and see the awful menus, you sort of know what’s coming next.  It’s a pretty standard 90′s action flick, with heavy emphasis on blowing things all to hell.  Everything about it is pretty forgettable, but is entertaining for most guys while you are watching it.  The fact that the main actors are basically robots through most of it helps the fact that they are there more for their muscles than their acting chops. But don’t worry, Van Damme snaps out of cyborg mode long enough at the end to deliver some snappy one-liners, and Lundgren might give Mickey Rourke a run for his money when it comes to playing crazy.  If you remember watching this back in the day, it might be fun to re-watch it. If not, you might just want to pass. Alex Rates This Movie: 6/10 

Tim’s Thoughts: I first saw this when I was 15, and thought “wow, that movie has it all, JCVD, He-Man, and that crazy black guy with the crooked eye.” Now I watch this movie and I say “Yep, JCVD, He-Man, and a blonde lady who’s so obnoxious she makes Kate Capshaw tolerable.”  It’s not that bad for what it is, so if you want a popcorn action movie, that feels VERY 90′s (I realize that’s a very specific desire) then check it out. I don’t know, maybe you are watching Under Siege, or Hard Target, and want some more, either way pretty standard, and nothing really special here. It’s no Timecop that’s for sure. Tim Rates This Movie: 6/10

“Do you have a family, a friend? Is there a Mrs. 44 waiting for you some place?”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here, or add it to you Netflix queue.

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Bad Ass Mofo!

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August 27, 2012

Bad Ass (2012)

Frank Vega (Danny Trejo) has had sort of a shitty life: after spending seven years deep in the shit in Vietnam, he returns to find that his girlfriend already has a new family of her own, and that an injury he received in the war prevents him from becoming a cop. Frank has spent the last forty years manning a hot dog cart, and really has nothing to show for it.  One day, while on a bus, he sees some skinhead punks messing with an old man.  After trying peacefully to get them to stop, he has to resort to kicking their asses.  This whole thing is caught on video, and before you know it, Frank is a YouTube sensation!  Now everyone knows his name and he’s a local hero and celebrity whom everyone calls ‘Bad Ass’.

After his mother passes, Frank and an old Army buddy movie into his mom’s place, which isn’t in the best neighborhood.  This friend gives Frank a flash drive to hold on to for safe keeping, and it’s a good thing, because the guy is killed for it 5 minutes later by some thugs.  Upset at the speed the police department is working, Frank checks out the crime scene himself; he finds a bullet casing and a necklace with a locket that the police somehow missed in the 4 square foot crime scene. He goes to a pawn shop to get the bullet identified, and the clerk just happens to know the girl in the locket. That girl happens to know where the guy whose locket it is plays b-ball, and the guys there happen to know someone who knows something else.  This goes on and on for a while in a very linier path until he meets up with one of the shooters. After forcing his hand into a garbage disposal, the guy spills the beans.

It seems the mayor (Ron Perlman) is working with a crime boss to make a neighborhood so violent that everyone moves out, so then they can move in and buy the land which has oil on it.  Bad Ass tracks down the crime boss who goes by the name of Panther.  This whole movie Frank kicks every guy’s ass he comes across, but this old fat man gets the better of him.  Frank escapes and a low-speed bus chase ensues with the pair eventually fighting in Frank’s front yard.  He beats this guy down and saves the hood from the evil mayor and even lands the hot black chick that lives next door. Right on, Frank!

Alex’s Thoughts: This movie should have been much more fun, but it was just boring.  The linier storyline was way too predictable, and there were no surprises.  It was sort of like Rumble in the Bronx meets Hobo with a Shotgun, but with very little going for it.  Again it seems like Trejo and Perlman will say yes to anyone who hands them a script and a check, and that is just sort of sad in a way.  I think Trejo has some clause in his contract that says he needs to see boobs on set at least once, because there is always a scene with him alone in a room with a topless chick.  Good for you, you old ass butt kicking hombre.  Alex Rates This Movie 4/10

Tim’s Thoughts: This should be called, “I’d rather be watching Machete”, because that’s all I was thinking the entire time I had this on. It’s loosely based on a true story and it is equally loose with plausibility. It’s too convenient, and full of tropes, barely anything original or interesting throughout the entire movie. It’s also hard to take Danny Trejo serious as he is wearing a fanny pack the entire time. Meh, kind of  a waste of time. Tim Rates This Movie 3/10

View the IMDB entry for this movie here, or add it to your Netflix queue

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All Rise. The Honorable Christopher Nolan Presiding

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July 23, 2012

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

We attended a trilogy viewing of all three batman movies last night, which were Batman Begins and The Dark Knight followed by a midnight viewing of what might be one of the most anticipated movies of all time. Our plot and reviews are as spoiler free as possible, but there might be one or two, so read at your own risk.

Eight years have passed since the death of district attorney Harvey Dent, and of the Batman taking the blame for all of Dent’s murders from when he was driven insane by the Joker.  Not only has Batman not been seen for almost a decade, but neither has Bruce Wayne; who has become a recluse inside his mansion, consumed by the death of Rachel Dawes, and is in pretty rough shape after the beatings taken as Batman.  It takes a visit from a ‘cat’ burglar to kick him out of his funk, and it soon becomes clear a storm is brewing in Gotham City, and he is going to need to come out of retirement, no matter what the costs.

In addition to the very attractive thief, there is a new baddie in town, the crafty mercenary known as Bane.  He plans to destroy Gotham and will not take no for an answer.  Batman isn’t alone in his fight for the city; police Commissioner Gordon as well as a hot-shot young cop named John Blake aim to stop Bane and his army of goons who have taken complete control over the city, with no one allowed to come or go. Will this brute be the end of the bat? Or will Wayne knock off the rust and kick a little more butt before hanging up the cowl for good?

Alex’s Thoughts:  Let me first say that this is a great movie.  Now that’s out of the way, here were a very few things that bothered me – the dialogue was really hard to hear in some parts, and not just the words coming from under Bane’s mask, but from everyone.  If there was any sort of music playing or action in that scene, it was always louder than the dialogue so a lot was lost.  I did have minor issues with the Bat-plane, as I thought it was sort of cheesy, but I understand that it was crucial to the story.  And again, the music: it was too loud where it didn’t need to be and it distracted from what was happening on-screen, but maybe that was just me listening to the same theme for like 9 straight hours.  Those few flaws aside, it was a very entertaining movie.  I got to see some things between Bane and Batman that I didn’t think would happen, and I really enjoyed all the scenes with Bats and Catwoman fighting together.  The acting from Anne Hathaway and Michael Caine stood out the most, and it is unfortunate that so much of Bane’s face is covered by the mask, because Tom Hardy is a great actor and he can’t really express himself, but still did provide a great performance. Probably the part that most people will disagree on is the ending.  It is going to be a love it or hate it type deal.  It is very specific and sets the stage for the next movie, and if the next director decides to follow that story line, there is only one thing that can happen.  I myself really liked it. (MINOR SPOILER)  You lean something trivial about John Blake that changes the entire movie and history of this franchise, the audience in our theater let out a collective gasp.  I don’t love this as much as The Dark Knight, but it is still a great flick.  Alex Rates This Movie 9/10

Tim’s Thoughts: Nolan did the impossible, and that was not out doing The Dark Knight, (that would be impossible,) no, what he managed to do was maintain a consistent story line. Having the benefit of seeing all 3 movies in the same night in the theater, I could  see how Nolan sets up the universe very deliberately, and this pays off big time. There are no cheesy call backs to lame minor characters from earlier films, (which I was dreading,} and they avoid falling back into easy tropes. The movie felt like it had a slow start, but do not be deceived, it only feels that way because you know the shit is going to hit the fan, you just don’t know when. It’s also a good sign when the more I think about this movie, the more I like it. The guy one seat down in the theater was literally on the edge of his seat for the last hour of the movie, and you get the feeling that Nolan  is not only capable, but more than willing to kill off any of the main players and things get worse and worse. I know there is some dispute over the ending, but honestly I don’t know how else you do it. The wrap up is concise, and satisfying, and I don’t know what else you want. For me, this was excellent, and a wonderful finale for the best, most consistent movie trilogy. Before you jump down my throat, remember, there are no Ewoks in this, and Temple of Doom in it’s best parts can’t touch these Batman films. I am sad that they are done, and REALLY hope Superman can find the same success. Tim Rates This Movie: 10/10

“When Gotham is ashes, you have my permission to die.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here.

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The Year of the Bat

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July 19, 2012

Batman: Year One (2011)

This animated feature, based on the Frank Miller graphic novel, finds two men entering the city of Gotham: millionaire Bruce Wayne (absent from Gotham for the last 12 years), and new cop Lt. James Gordon.  Both men find the city to be a den of evil, ruled by the corrupt, and each one vows to make it a better place the only way they can.  A disguised Wayne becomes a vigilante crime-fighter in the red light district beating up pimps and  drug dealers.  Gordon is trying to work through the corrupt police station, with a commissioner on the take and a partner who likes to abuse his power.  Eventually Wayne dons the moniker of Batman and aims to strike fear into the criminals of Gotham, he needs help in doing so, and eventually teams up with Gordon.  Catwoman makes a brief appearance as a hooker to trying to fight back and get these do-gooder to leave everyone alone. 

Alex’s Thoughts: While I love Batman, and like the graphic novel, I don’t care for the animation style.  The voice acting for Batman wasn’t all that good, but Bryan Cranston as Gordon is really good, Eliza Dushku as Catwoman doesn’t lend much to the character and is just kind of flat.  You need to be a hardcore fan to get much out of this, and it isn’t something you can watch with your kids as it’s pretty violent.  I’ve seen better animated Batman films like Gohamn Knights, and not many worse.  Alex Rates This Movie 4/10

Tim’s Thoughts: I was warned that the Gordon part of the story is much more compelling than the Batman story, and I 100% agree. If this was just about Gordon and his rise to Commissioner then I would be all in, but the Batman segments are much too melodramatic. The animation is a bit awkward, but I got used to it, but anytime Batman showed up I was pulled out again. Overall it’s pretty mediocre, and I think instead you should go out to you local comic book store and pick up the graphic novel.  Tim Rates This Movie 5/10

“You can never escape me. Nothing harms me. But I know pain.”

View the IMDB entry for this movier here, or add it to your Netflix queue.

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The Tales of the South

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July 2, 2012

Southland Tales (2006)

This is normally where we would tell you the plot of the movie. We tried to come up with something that made sence, but we couldn’t piece this things together into anything that was even remotely coherent.  There are probably 4 or 5 plot-lines going on in this movie which center around a movie star with amnesia, a new clean energy source, people using said energy source as a drug, a plot to overthrow the government, a flying ice cream truck and world war 3!  There is just way too much going on in this thing.  They try to recap it all in the opening montage, and that might have worked if it was like an hour, but at 5 minutes it just makes thing more confusing.  So we decided to list the many famous actors in this thing, of which many of their parts are a stretch from the previous roles.  So read on and try to keep up…

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson- An amnesic actor named Boxer who is married to the daughter of a politician. He believes himself to be the real life embodiment of “Jericho Cain”, the lead character in a screen play he wrote. He is the catalyst for everything going on in this movie  and seemingly as confused as we are.

Justin Timberlake – A wounded soldier with massive facial scars and a goatee that looks just as gross.  He narrates the movie via bible verses atop a building with a huge sniper rifle overlooking Venice Beach.  He also likes to inject the new fuel source fluid karma and get high and break out into musical numbers.

Eli Roth - Just some random dude who is killed on a toilet.

Sarah Michelle Gellar - A pornstar named Krysta Now who aspires to have her own clothing, perfume, energy drink and handbag lines. She is the girlfriend of Boxer, and advocate for Teen Horniness and had starred in such adult movies as Cock Chuggers 2: Cock Chuggin’.

Cheri Oteri - A tattooed dreadlocked Neo-Marxist with plans to overthrow the government.

John Laraquette - The campaign manager for the hopeful vice president, and an all around d-bag.

Jon Lovitz- A spray-tanned cop with amazing hair, and a penchant for violence and rough sex.

Mandy Moore - The Senator’s daughter and Boxer’s wife who has recently been impregnated by her father’s aide.

Sean William Scott - Playing the dual role of twins, al la Jean Claude van Damme, one of which is a cop and the other is just a loser. Or are they the same person?

Amy Poehler – A famous performance artist who plans on framing Boxer for murder.

Will Sasso - A pimp, a card shark and gun-selling drug dealer with awesome Hawaiian shirts.

Wallace Shawn- The cross-dressing inventor of the energy source fluid karma… inconceivable!

Kevin Smith - The leader of the neo-Marxist movement, who looks exactly like Karl Marx.

Alex’s Thoughts: This plot is just a mess, which you can probably decipher from the characters above.  This movie is part of a larger story that includes three graphic novels and an interactive website.  Maybe with all that material I could figure out what the hell is going on, but with just the movie on its own, you really don’t have a chance.  The acting is fine, and seeing people in atypical roles is fun, but you can’t really enjoy that since you are spending all your time trying to figure out what is happening.  If you are a fan of good acting you might appreciate this, assuming you are also a fan of over production and an excess of political ideals.  Alex Rates This Movie 4/10

Tim’s Thoughts: Yeah, I don’t know what to say, this movie in more capable hands, and with a bit more restraint could probably be really good. Sadly that is not the case, the acting is fine, but the story while ambitious doesn’t work. It’s muddled with social commentary that is so extreme it’s almost parody. Strange as it may sound, Southland Tales may have been better with a lower budget, I think it would have forced the director to be a little more confined, and make him work a little more creatively. Instead we have an inflated overblown story, that is obviously out of control, and is almost too self indulgent to enjoy. I think this is a well shot movie, and I do respect it’s ambition, but it doesn’t work. There are scenes that I think are excellent, but as a whole, this is not very good, and at 3 hours plus it’s a chore to watch. Tim Rates This Movie 3/10

“This is the way the world ends. Not with a whimper, but with a bang”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here, or add it to your Netflix queue

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Where Have All the Action Stars Gone? – A Rant by Alex

Filed under: Action Jackson — 2 Comments
June 28, 2012

So The Expendables 2 comes out in theatres soon, August 17th to be exact.  I couldn’t help think about that great cast of action stars, and how much fun I had watching their movies, both good and not so much, as a kid/teen in the 80′s and 90′s.  While the majority of those guys haven’t done much in the last decade, due to political obligations or senility, it just brings back such great memories of those late nights when my friends and I would crowd in front of our VHS collections and argue about if The Terminator would win in a fight against Dutch from Predator.. and about action movies in general.  I feel bad for those guys in their early twenties and those poor bastard teens of today who might not know what a real action movie is.  All they get is some poorly written crap, full of CGI with some WWE or MMA asshat, and while said asshat could crush my skull with their biceps, they are totally interchangeable with no acting talent and their movies will be quickly forgotten. Sorry 17 year-old kid, but Channing Tatum can’t hold a candle to Stallone.  Gurald Butler? Insert a random Chuck Norris joke here about Butler getting his ass kicked. And Jason Statham… I love you man, and I know you are in this flick, but you don’t have to do every movie role they offer you.  Almost every movie you are in is the same: some poor defenseless person is in trouble… strange hero to the rescue.  You must be in some Nic Cage-like tax trouble!  Hit me up, we can find you a credit counsellor; you’re not in this alone, I can help, mate.  Who else? Matt Damon in the Bourne movies? He kicked a lot of ass, but no one in real life would ever be scared of Matt Damon; sorry buddy, you are about as intimidating as Chef Boyardee.

So, being the helpful movie fan that I am, I’m going to list a few movies from the stars of The Expendables 2 for you hapless souls out there, so maybe you can appreciate some real action movies from my past. These movie are in no way all of the best ones, just ones I think most guys would like, and are just my opinions. If you think Taylor Lautner is a big action star, that’s fine; now go feel free to play in traffic. -

Sylvester Stallone – I love: Rambo First Blood Part 2, I like: Tango & Cash, I forgive you for: Judge Dredd

Bruce Willis - I love: Die Hard, I like: The Last Boyscout, I forgive you for: Armageddon

Dolph Lundgren - I love: Rocky IV, I like: Universal Soldiers, I forgive you for: Masters of the Universe

Chuck Norris - I love: Delta Force, I like: Missing in Action, I forgive you for: Those Total Gym infomercials

Jean-Claude Van Damme - I love: Bloodsport/ JCVD, I like: Kickboxer, I forgive you for: Street Fighter (just barely)

and…

Arnold Schwarzenegger – I love: Commando, I like: True Lies, I forgive you for: Eraser

Good times. Good Times.  Hopefully Hollywood can get back into making memorable action movies, that don’t involve super heroes or monsters, in the future. It seems like it’s a lost art, but at least I have the movies from my childhood that, to me, have stood the test of time. – Alex

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Damn Sunday Drivers!

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May 14, 2012

Maximum Overdrive (1986)

As the tail of a rogue comet passes past Earth, strange things start to happen to the machines of the planet. First it’s just innocent things, like electronic signs start cussing, but it isn’t long before the situation gets a bit more severe: lawn mowers chopping people up, cars running people over and pop machines shooting cans of carbonated death at little leaguers.  Before too long  this electronic plague spreads to the Dixie Way truck stop.  It’s there where an electronic knife goes berserk and cuts a waitress, but luckily our hero/ convicted felon/ short-order cook Billy (Emilio Estevez) helps the poor woman out.  It’s soon after a video games kill someone, that they realize they are in a world of shit, as all of the semi trucks in the lot spring to life and begin to circle the truck stop.

Tensions inside run high, and people are scared, but Billy does his best to keep everyone calm, especially a hitch-hiking girl he just met whom he beds faster than you can say “promiscuous”.  So now it’s the truck stop workers and a few truckers against an army of diesel chugging possessed machines.  Luckily the owner of the place is a nutjob and has a ton of firepower in the cellar.  After blasting a few trucks with a RPG, they are confidant they can just wait in out until this whole thing blows over, as the trucks are eventually going to run out of fuel.

The next morning a few new vehicles show up: a bulldozer and a jeep with a mounted machine gun!  After blowing away half of the survivors, the jeep sends a message via Morse code: “fill us up with gas or die!”  Seems pretty simple, but after being slaves to the trucks for a few days, they’ve had enough and decide to make a break for it, in hopes of getting to a small island with no cars allowed.  Will this motley crew make it to the safety of the island, or will a giant mechanical shark eat their boat?  According the epilog, the do make it, and the whole thing was a plot by aliens who were hiding in the comet’s tail.  Really… it sort of seems odd and unnecessary for us to know that?

Alex’s Thoughts: While not a great movie, it does have some pretty good parts to it. It trods along just fast enough to keep you watching, but just barely.  There were some interesting scenes and although the technology is dated, there are some good kills as well.  It would be hard to make this and interesting movie today, as I doubt there would be many survivors with all of the technology we have now.  People’s cell phones would explode against their faces, or their iPod ear buds would choke them.  This might be a movie that only appeals to Stephen King fans, or fans of AC/DC, as their music is playing the entire movie, but that isn’t a bad thing.  Alex Rates This Movie 6/10  

Tim’s Thoughts:I disagree with Alex, I think this could be ripe for a remake, but it would need a lot of fixing, first of all the rules don’t make a lot of sense. Some cars have a mind of their own while others are fine. Also sprinklers aren’t really mechanical, at least not the kind that were in this movie. I understand that a lot of this is done for aesthetic,  but it just crowds the screen. I like the movie better than King’s original short story, and wouldn’t mind seeing him convert this screenplay into a full on novel. You can tell he’s trying to establish characters, and watching this movie with one of his books in mind makes this a much more interesting watch. he draws several characters together and mixes them into a melting pot of tension and suspense, or at least that’s what he’s trying to do. In his writing, King usually does a very nice job fleshing out characters and motivations, and jamming people who don’t mix well into terrible and traumatic situations. Unfortunately he doesn’t quiet pull this off, but I think he comes close. Also there is something to be said for some of the iconic images in this movie, you can ask nearly anyone my age about the movie with the killer Green Goblin truck and they will know what I am talking about. I like this more than most, and really respect the effort that was put into it. Also Emilio Esteves always gets a pass from me, he was the Mighty Duckman, and more importantly the Repo Man….. Tim Rates This Movie 8/10

“C’mon over here, Sugar-buns. This machine just called me an asshole!

View the IMDB entry for this movie here

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