Category: Sci-Fi


We’re Going To Need That Spleen Back

Filed under: Drama Mama, Movie Reviews, Oddball, Sci-Fi — 3 Comments
April 23, 2012

Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)

In this opera, set in the not too distant future, some sort of plague has decimated the human population.  Many of those left alive are suffering from organ failure. But there is hope in the form of a company called GeneCo; who will gladly get you a transplant and offers easy financing, but should you fail to make a payment… they send in the repo man.  And he isn’t some high school dropout sex offender like that guy who took your car last week, he is a trained surgeon who is going to track you down and cut that organ out of you with no thought as to your comfort or general well-being.  In other words, this medically trained assassin has very poor bed-side manners.

Here are some details about our confusing storyline:  Shilo is our main character, she has a condition that keeps her indoors, her protective father Nate had a wife who died during childbirth, but a drug he gave her is what killed her. In order to keep this from his daughter he secretly works as a repo man for the owner of GeneCo (and former lover of Nate’s dead wife) Largo.  Largo is knocking on Death’s door, and wants to leave his company in responsible hands; be he can’t trust any of his asshole kids.  His daughter Amber (Paris Hilton) is addicted to painkillers and plastic surgery, Luigi is a psychopathic murder and Pavi likes wearing other people’s skin Buffalo Bill style.  He doesn’t have a lot of options, until he meets Shilo, who is out wondering the graveyard behind her house.  Largo offers her a cure to her disorder, knowing full well that she is the daughter of his former lover.

Largo invites Shilo to the Genetic Opera in the town square, where he plans to replace his current star, Blind Mag, with her, but only after she agrees to be cured as part of the show and is therefore in debt to GeneCo.  During the opera Blind Mag is killed after denouncing GeneCo, and other secrets are revealed by Largo:  Nate has been making Shilo sick on purpose to keep her close and away from the outside world, and that he is also a repo man. She doesn’t take to kindly to this, and watches on as Largo kills her dad, then dies himself.  Largo had willed GeneCo to Shilo, who declines to be part of such an evil company.  Yes, it’s a very confusing story, we agree!

Alex’s Thoughts: I just realized something: I don’t like opera. Singing all of your lines to music I can’t hear doesn’t make for a fun time for me. The premise is entertaining, and the visuals are really interesting, but the singing and all of the weird shit is way too overwhelming to me.  It started out alright, with a nice little comic book themed intro, but lost me like 5 minutes in. I’ve tried to watch this once before, and fell asleep; I wasn’t so lucky this time. I will admit there are a few good parts, mainly involving the organ repossession and the Largo kids, who are all crazy and watching them bicker is actually fun. But the slow parts just kill whatever good thoughts I was starting to have for this movie.  I think I would tell most people to give it a try, and I’m sure lots of horror fans would probably like it. You will know in the first 15 minutes if this is for you or not.  Alex Rates This Movie 5/10 

Tim’s Thoughts:This isn’t a good movie, but for some reason, I kinda like it. I think it’s the ambition, and the utter insanity of the premise. Some of the musical numbers are better than others, and yes it’s confusing as hell at times, but I enjoyed watching this all the same.  Whenever this comes up in conversation I find myself defending Repo, and it’s difficult because it’s just so damn weird and inconsistent. I like this, but I don’t expect other people to, so take that into consideration when you see my rating. I am very interested in what other people think about this so please comment and tell me why I’m wrong. Tim Rates This Movie 8/10

“I remember, I dismember. ‘Cause the claims medic gives no anesthetic! 90 days delinquent gets ya’ repo treatment! I’m the masked horror on your street corner! Make your mama mourn ya! I’m the Night Surgeon!”

 View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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This Looks Familiar

Filed under: Comedy Gold, Movie Reviews, Nerdgasm, Sci-Fi — 4 Comments
April 12, 2012

Galaxy Quest (1999) requested by Jason Kukla

Galaxy Quest used to be America’s favorite tv show. Used to be… 18 years ago.  Now the cast spends most of their time at sci-fi conventions and mall openings.  While at the official Galaxy Quest convention, the crew is waiting for their arrogant commander (Tim Allen), and talking about how while they love the fans, they are sort of disappointed at what their careers have become.  Tim Allen shows up and the crew take the stage to the delight of the fans in attendance. We meet the alien first mate (Alan Rickman) who is a classically trained actor, but only remembered for his catch phrase, the communications officer (Sigourney Weaver) whose only job is to repeat what the ship’s computer says, the engineer (Tony Shalhoub) who has no idea what is going on, the child polit and the generic crew member (Sam Rockwell), who dies in the first minute of a random episode. The cast do their thing with autographs and pictures and what not, but are pretty pissed at Tim Allen who has booked an appearance without the rest of them.  He goes to take a leak and overhears some kids making fun of him, calling him a ‘has-been’.  He returns pissed-off and take it out on some fans (one of whom is Justin Long), and storms off to booze the rest of the day away.

The next morning  some odd-looking people show up at his house asking for his help.  He assumes these Thermians are just the people who hired him for the side gig and join them in a limo, which is soon beamed-up into a larger spacecraft.  He still assumes that this is all a fan made movie and though impressed with the sets, can’t wait to get aways from these nerds and get out of there.  The aliens have brought him in to negotiate with an alien leader named Sarris, still thinking this is all fake he orders the crew to fire on his ship, and he flees.  Assuming the shoot is all wrapped up he asks to be taken home, and is sealed in some goop and shot back down to Earth.  He quickly rushes to tell the rest of his cast that he was just in space, and they think he’s just liquored up again. The aliens come back for him the next day to discuss the surrender of Sarris, and he wants to bring his crew along.  Thinking he is full of shit, they agree and are transported to the ship, which is an exact replica of the ship from the show, which the aliens believe to be actual news casts and not a tv show.  The crew has little trouble working the ship, as their movements on the show work in real life.  It turns out the surrender is a trap and Sarris wants control of Omega-13, which was a weapon on the show, but it was never revealed what it did.  It is up to this group of actors to actually command a space ship and save this helpless alien race.

Alex’s Thoughts:  Ugh, I don’t know what to think about this movie.  This was the first time that I’d seen the entire thing.  I had seen bits and pieces on tv in the past, but didn’t like what I saw well enough to dedicate two hours to watching the whole movie in one sitting.  I like the movie for what it is, but it just seems like this was brought up to the original Star Trek cast and they passed on it, but someone was dedicated to make this happen no matter what, and this is what we got.  Tim Allen is over the top as always, but it just seemed like none of the main actors were really into it on-screen.  I understand why people like this, it’s fun in the right setting, but I didn’t feel it, sorry.  If you are a sci-fi fan, you would probably like it, especially if you can imagine William Shatner in the lead.  Alex Rates This Movie 6/10

Tim’s Thoughts: I saw this movie in the theaters, and I love it now just as much as I did in 1999. This is a perfect and loving parody of not only Star Trek, but the entire convention mentality. (Full disclosure, Alex and I usually hit a couple of Con’s a year, and while we aren’t AS obsessive about some the Celebrities in attendance we do get amped up for some of our favorites.) I do not like Tim Allen normally, but in this movie he is perfect as a send up of Shatner, and the rest of the cast is phenomenal. I am pretty sure this is the first movie I ever saw Sam Rockwell in, and I have never looked back. As a sleazy one time cast member convinced that he is going to die, (mostly because his character didn’t have a last name) he steals laughs every time he appears on screen. For me this movie is nearly perfect, and I think it’s a must for not only Trek fans, but for convention goers as well. Tim Rates This Movie 10/10

“I’m not even supposed to be here. I’m just “Crewman Number Six.” I’m expendable. I’m the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is. I’ve gotta get outta here.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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I’m Skeksi and I Know It.

Filed under: 80's Favorites, Movie Reviews, Nerdgasm, Oddball, Sci-Fi — Leave a comment
March 22, 2012

The Dark Crystal (1982)

A thousand years ago, on the planet Thra, the urSkeks cracked the world-controlling Crystal of Truth.  This resulted in them splitting into two separate races: the large Gorg-like Mystics, and the jerky bird-faced Skeksis.  The Skeksis became the dominant race and evil swept over the land, resulting in the extermination of an entire race who were prophesized to be the downfall of the Skeksis – the Gelflings; but one remains, the naïve Jen who resides with the remaining Mystics.  Just as his master is dying, he reveals to Jen that he is to reunite the missing piece of the crystal and save the world from another thousand year rule of evil.  At the same moment that Mystic dies, so does the Skeksis emperor, leading to a power-grab between two of the greedy few who remain.  The loser, the Chamberlain, is banished from the palace.

Jen was told the shard was being kept safe by the one-eyed Aughra, a cross between Miss Piggy and The Trash Heap.  Jen finds the shard, but has to flee, as the Skeksis’ beetle henchmen arrive and rip Aughra’s place to sheds, capturing her in the process. As Jen is on his way to the castle, he is harassed by a little fur ball with big teeth.  This creature is the pet of Kira, yet another Gelfling.  They join up to finish their mission, but are soon confronted by The Chamberlain, who offers to help them, but really wants to turn them in to regain his favor.  The Gelflings don’t really want to work with this genocidal jerk, so they go their separate ways. He again meets up with them as they enter the castle, offering one last chance for peace between them. Jen doesn’t like the offer and stabs him with the crystal, but the Chamberlain escapes, taking Kira with him.

The Chamberlain delivers the ‘last Gelfing’ to his mater and is welcomed back into the fold, but we fear this isn’t going to last long; as Kira has escaped her captors and Jen is headed to restore the shard.  But suddenly she is killed and Jen doesn’t see why he should bother reuniting the shard, but joins it back with the crystal anyway, despite the hopelessness he feels.  The crystal is made whole again and the remaining Mystics and Skeksis turn back into urSkeks; bringing Kira back to life and bringing the light back to the world that was once ruled by the dark crystal.

Alex’s Thoughts: Most people that are now in their late twenties or early thirties probably saw this movie as a kid, and have fond memories of it.  I was one definitely one of those people. But watching it as a 33-year-old, it is hard to see what I loved about it so much.  I still really love the sets, most of the character designs and puppeteering, which was expertly done and has held up really well over the years.  I guess the story just isn’t as entertaining as it was when I was a kid; perhaps I put too much thought into it, but I really was confused.  I really think they came up short with the Gelflings, the puppets just aren’t as animated as everything else around them and it sticks out in places. Especially in the wide shots where they use a person in a costume that moves so fluidly, then you cut back to this static ‘lifeless’ puppet.  I know it sounds like I’m bashing this movie, but I’m not.  I just have a different perspective on it now as an adult, and I appreciate it for what it is and what they accomplished, but I just feel that the story is a little weak throughout. But I do love me some Fizzgig!  Alex Rates This Movie 8/10

Tim’s Thoughts: I agree with Alex that some of the puppets seem dated, and the story is a bit lengthy, but I can’t help but sit in wonder at how they got permission to make such a bizarre epic movie. It seems that today such a project would be impossible. I really find myself still marveling at what a crazy film with no humans, and no celebrity voice actors, but instead relies on it’s story and unique approach to movie making. It just shows what a genius Jim Henson was, and how much clout he had back in the 80′s. I can’t wait to watch this with my baby girl, and I am sure the Skeksis will scare the crap out of her too. I still say check it out, and enjoy the spectacle of The Dark Crystal.Tim Rates This Movie 9/10

“The Skeksis, with their hard and twisted bodies, their harsh and twisted wills. For a thousand years they have ruled. Yet now, there are only ten: a dying race, ruled by a dying Emperor, imprisoned within themselves in a dying land.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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Quite An ‘Engage’ing Documentary

Filed under: Documentary, Movie Reviews, Nerdgasm, Sci-Fi — Leave a comment
February 16, 2012

The Captains (2011) with a guest review from our favorite Trekkie Shannon Loomis

William Shatner directs and stars in this documentary about the different people and characters who have commanded a starship in the Star Trek universe.  He interviews all of them and gets a feel for how they became an actor, and how their role in the franchise has changed or shaped their lives. Probably of best way to break this down is by person, so here we go…

Sir Patrick Stewart (Jean-Luc Picard – The Next Generation) - This starts with a very awkward meeting between the two, despite them having worked together in the past.  Shatner proceeds to inturrupt each question Stewart tries to answer with an anecdote about his own life.  This is probably the main focus of this movie as Stewart gets the most screen time of any of the other actors, and rightfully so, he is a knight for Pete’s sake.  It seems that for the first year or so he was the only one who took his role seriously on the show, and he freely admits that it was the most terrifying role of his life.  He eventually learned to relax a bit and had fun doing it, despite it taking up more of his time than he had anticipated.

Avery Brooks (Benjamin Sisko - Deep Space Nine) – We learn really quick that this guy is fucking insane.  The interviews with him are pretty pointless, as he doesn’t specifically talk about the roll, and just answers each of Shatner’s questions with another crazy philosophical question… then they sing out the answer together sitting next to a piano. True story.  There are a lot of awkward silences between them, as they smile at each other and try to figure out what the hell to do next.

Kate Mulgrew (Kathryn Janeway – Voyager) – Kate had nothing but bad things to say about her experience, mostly due to the long work hours and the fact that she was away from her family so much; which was a shared theme among all of the captains, and probably anyone who worked on a weekly tv show.  She was very honest about the role, and admits while she did her best, it was just a paycheck, she was not emotionally vested in the character. So spoke freely that she is much more comfortable on a stage rather than in front of a camera.

Scott Bakula (Jonathan Archer – Enterprise) - As a fan on the show as a young man, Bakula talked the most about the actual franchise itself.  As a science fiction fan he appreciated his role more than the others it seemed.  Again, this interview was awkward as it was outside in a gazebo and apparently he was rushed for time.  Bakula admits that his cast lacked the chemistry that those of the other shows had, and thus was the reason that series was cancelled.

Chris Pine (James Kirk – Star Trek) – This was a pretty brief interview, as Pine has only has the one movie role, but he seemed to really appreciate the legacy and wanted to do the fans proud.  He seemed to be the most relaxed by far, and he kept the interview going rather than Shatner. Most of this interview was just the two of them arm wrestling. Really.

The real meat and potatoes of this movie was the life and times of William Shatner himself.  It is almost as though he realized no one was going to make a documentary about him, so he would just do it himself and loosely base it around Star Trek.  It was only until recently that he has accepted the fact that he is famous due to his role on Star Trek (and not T.J. Hooker or Priceline commercials), and has started to embrace the role and has begun going to conventions and interacting with fans.

Alex’s Thoughts:  I will start off by saying that I am not a huge fan of Star Trek (I am actually a huge Star Wars nerd), but I will freely admit that we owe a lot of what we see in today’s science fiction to Rodenberry’s original series.  Anyone that knows me will just think I am hating on Star Trek, but in reality, I am just hating on this movie.  This could have been a real treat for Star Trek fans, but instead you sort of get a glimpse into William Shatner’s narcissism.  I had assumed there would be more actual information about the movies and tv series, but alas, that is not what I got.  Each time Shatner meets a new ‘captain’, the awkwardness of it all is almost unbearable and difficult to watch.  I didn’t think he made this movie to be all about himself, but for some reason (maybe due to a lack of useable footage from the interviews) it ended up being about his life in general, and went on stretches without mentioning Star Trek at all.  Maybe a fan would get more out of this than I did, because I was not at all entertained.  Alex Rates This Movie 4/10

Tim’s Thoughts: Wow, just when you thought that Shatner couldn’t get  any more arrogant, he makes this movie. On the outside, it would appear to be a meeting of the Star Trek Captains, and as a fan of the original series,(I am also a Star Wars Geek) I thought this was a neat idea. Mostly because I watched a lot of Spenser for Hire with my Grandma and Hawk was a badass dude. Also Patrick Stewart commands such presence without using the goofy theatrics that Shatner resorted to consistently. Instead we get an excuse for William Shatner to present himself to the other actors that tried to fill his shoes, and he gracefully allows them to fawn on him. What I learned was Avery Brooks is batshit crazy, Patrick Stewart, and Scott Bakula are pretty much normal guys, and Kate Mulgrew is filled with regret and has daddy issues. The parts I really liked all took place at a convention, and while Bill Shatner is arrogant, he’s not really a bad dude. As he strolls around the convention floor he sneaks up and photobombs fans, and he takes a few minutes for a special needs fan that traveled a long way. It was genuinely touching. All in all I look forward to the next Star Trek movie, because the reboot has been excellent so far, and I will continue to enjoy the campy fun of the original Kirk, but I don’t think I can indulge the old captain for much else. Tim Rates This Movie 5/10

Shannon’s Thoughts:  This documentary is mostly William Shatner getting teary eyed about his career in acting and the impact of Star Trek on the world. I could have done without the scenes where each captain explained how they got into acting and how, at first, they thought they were too good for Star Trek. I was way more entertained by the interactions between Shatner and the other Captains. There are tons or priceless moments but my favorites have to be Shatner trying to have any kind of cohesive conversation with Avery Brooks, and the arm wrestling scene between Bill Shatner and Chris Pine. I also loved Shatner walking through the Trek convention jumping into people’s pictures and watching them freak out. Overall I thought this documentary had lots of Trekkie goodness for fans of any Trek series. Shannon Rates This Movie 7/10

“If it were to all end for me today, I would largely be known for my work on Star Trek; not as MacBeth or King Lier, but as Captain Jean-Luc Picard… and I’m alright with that.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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This Is The Worst Fraternity Ever!

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January 19, 2012

The Omega Man (1971)

As Earth is on the verge of another world war between China and Russia, an accidental missile firing unleashes a potent chemical weapon agent across the globe.  People start succumbing to this deadly diease minutes after contracting the virus; it is a new world plague.  Army doctor Robert Neville (Charlton Heston) is working on a cure and thinks he has found it, but as he is taking the vaccine to the lab to be tested, his helicopter pilot crokes and the chopper crashes.  If that wasn’t bad enough, now he has been exposed to the virus and takes a chance and injects himself with his test vaccine.

He must have know what he was doing, because it is three years later and he is still upright.  He’s the last human left in Los Angeles, and maybe the world.  What do you do with all that free time?  He spends his days foraging for food, watching some flicks, playing chess with a bronze bust and trying to kill a group of infected crazies!  While he is the last human left alive, he isn’t the only one around; there is a group of nocturnal freaks calling themselves The Family, who are hell-bent on destroying the symbols of the old world that lead to the demise of the planet… and Robert Neville is the last thing standing in their way.  They set traps for him and try to break into his well fortified townhouse, but to no avail; old Moses is too slick for these fools.

One day while looking for some new threads and macking on a nice-looking mannequin, he stumbles upon a fine soul sister, but she gives him the slip.  He isn’t sure if she exists or if he is just loosing his shit.  He continues to look for The Family’s nest, and gets shanghaied in a wine cellar and captured.  He is brought before Matthias, the leader of The Family, and sentenced to death.  They take him to a stadium to set him ablaze, but the lights come on and the light-sensitive freaks scatter.  Robert is cut loose of his bonds by a nice bare-chested lad and lead to the chick he saw before.  They escape, and he is taken to a building outside of the city where there are more survivors, mostly children.  While the group is infected with the virus, they have not yet died or been turned into the mutated crazies.  His new lady friend, Lisa, has a brother,Richie, who is not well off and is getting ready to turn into a freak at any moment.  Neville takes the two of them back to his place to try to create a vaccine from his own blood.  Lisa is grateful, and while Neville doesn’t have the virus, he does have a fever. JUNGLE FEVER!  He puts it to his new Nubian princess and now they are all boyfriend/ girlfriend, and are already making plans to leave the city together.

Lisa’s little bro eventually heals up and Neville plans to use the vaccine on the rest of the group, but not offer it to The Family, on account of them always trying to murder him and all.  Richie doesn’t approve, and sneaks off to see if Matthias would be willing to treat and save his followers.  The short answer to that is ‘no’, and Neville finds out when he goes to look for Richie and finds him with a mild case of death.  He returns home to find that Lisa has turned into a freak and has invited the rest of The Family in for a party.  As Neville escapes to the street with Lisa in-tow, Matthias chucks a spear into Neville tender parts leaving him to bleed to death.  The next morning the survivors show up, and a dying Neville gives them a bottle of the vaccine and tells them to help his traitor bitch of a girlfriend.  With no explanation of how much of the drug to administer, we assume things did not go well for them.

Alex’s Thoughts:  This flick was based on the book I Am Legend, by Richard Matheson;  and while it’s a lot closer to the events of the book than that piece of crap Will Smith movie of the same name, the plot is still pretty far off.  The events of this movie were switched to be more in-line with the events of the early 1970′s, so it is very much a product of its time.  Young viewers might not appreciate it for what it is, as it appears to be dated and really shows its 40-year-old age.  If you can try to ignore the effects and the awful jive lingo obviously written by a well-off white person, it’s message still comes through today.  If you like Matheson’s story (which I don’t know anyone who has read it and doesn’t), you should find his message loud and clear in this movie.  Alex Rates This Movie 7/10

Tim’s Thoughts: This movie, while well acted (for the most part) and not poorly shot, is not very good. The villains are hokey monsters in bad sunglasses and crappy contacts, and the character Lisa is such a sad attempt at a female black panther it’s offensive. It does manage to capture a few of the elements of the original story, but the appearance of the “monsters” quickly shatters any illusions that you are watching anything good. Heston’s performance while he’s alone is really well done, and reminds you that he was actually a really good actor, but these moments are brief, and completely lacking in the last half of the movie.  Now that I think about it, it’s very similar to Will Smith’s I am Legend, in the way that the strength of the movie is the main character’s struggle with being alone, and once other elements are introduced the movie spirals into garbage very quickly. Skip all other imitators and watch Last Man On Earth starring the late great Vincent Price. Matheson hated the script (he helped write), and hated the directing, but this is the closest you will get to a true representation of the original story. Plus it also shows off how talented Price was, not to mention it spares us the stupid Christ reference at the end of Omega Man. Barf. Tim Rates This Movie 3/10

“Is this how it starts? A trip to the laughing academy? No, you silly bastard, it starts with you asking yourself silly questions”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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That’s Just Ducky

Filed under: Action Jackson, Comedy Gold, Movie Reviews, Nerdgasm, Oddball, Sci-Fi, WTF? — Leave a comment
December 4, 2011

Howard the Duck (1986)

After a long day of work, Howard just wants to come home and relax.  He’s just your average everyday working stiff, except that he is a duck.  He lives on a distant planet that parallels Earth, and instead of primates evolving into the dominate species, ducks did.  As he cracks open a beer, he and his recliner are sucked out of his apartment and into space; eventually crashing into a seedy alley in Cleveland.  He ends up rescuing a girl from a couple thugs and she then invites him to stay at her place after hearing his sad story.  He just want to get back to Duckburg, so she takes his to see a scientist friend of hers who treats him like a freak, and he gets all shitty and leaves.   Howard heads out to live on his own, but it turns out that the mean streets of Cleveland are no place for a three-foot duck man.  He comes back to his lady friend and just as they are about to commence with the inter-species erotica, the scientist guy and his scientist friends walk in with a way to send Howard back to his planet.  A failed test occurs and ends up bringing another space creature to Earth which possesses the body of the scientist Jennings.  Jennings kidnaps the babe and aims to bring down more of these evil space creatures called the Dark Overlords of the Galaxy to destroy Earth.  Howard and the scientist friend must find a way to destroy the evil creature before the girl is killed and the planet decimated by vagina lobster monsters.  They save the day and end the movie with a hair band rock-out in true 80′s fashion while the theme song plays for a full eight minutes!

Alex’s Thoughts:  While still pretty bad, it wasn’t as bad as I remember it, so take that as you will.   How do you criticize a movie about a talking duck from outer space?  I guess you could start by saying that this is the spot where George Lucas officially lost his mojo.  The movie itself is probably entertaining for boys ages 8-11, but that is about it.  The acting is pretty bad, with a few brief exceptions from child-diddiling Jeffery Jones who gets to act crazy for half the movie, but even that starts to get old.  For the time, the effects were pretty good, but look quite awful now; and four million bucks for that duck suit!? Fuck me running! That is a lot of scratch for something that is far from perfect.  Oh and incase you were wondering, the naked female ducks do have boobs which include bright pink nipples. I’m not quite sure why birds need nipples, and any third-grader can tell you that is complete bullshit; but what do you expect from a completely insane movie.  Alex Rates This Movie 5/10

Tim’s Thoughts:  This movie is great, not in itself necessarily, but it helped Lucas who was 50 million dollars in debt at the time sell off his CGI animation division, and it grew and flourished into Pixar! So everyone should be kissing Howard’s little feathered butt. If it weren’t for his wise-quaking, we would have no Toy Story, so this movie is okay by me, as long has I don’t have to watch it.  Maybe every once in a great while. Thanks Howard!! Tim Rates This Movie 6/10

“Desperate ducks commit desperate acts!”

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Let The Hunt Begin

Filed under: Movie Reviews, Oddball, Sci-Fi, Sub-Titled — 1 Comment
November 8, 2011

Trollhunter (2010 Norway)

The start of this flick has a brief introduction about how this camera footage was found and edited into this movie, and that no one knows what became of the people who shot it.  Sound sort of like The Blair Witch Project? Yeah, it is exactly like that, almost word-for-word.  Anyway, three students from a Norwegian university are making some kind of documentary about bears.  They hear the local bear hunters talking about a suspected poacher they frequently see around, and the film crew decides to run with that as the focus of their doc.  They track the guy down at a campground and he declines an interview.  They then proceed to follow him around the country for a few days, and notice that he is pretty suspicious, but they can’t nail down what exactly his deal is.  One night they follow him into the woods and begin to hear odd noises.  They then see their guy sprinting out of the trees and screaming ‘TROLL’!  They take off and eventually take shelter behind the guy’s truck, just as a huge three-headed troll bursts out of the tree line in front of them.  The hunter turns on some ultraviolet lights, and as quick as he showed up the troll has been turned to stone.

The hunter decides that since they have already seen this, that the kids can go ahead and tag along with him.  He has been hunting trolls that have escaped from their contained areas for 30+ years, and is sick of his job and wants the world to know what the government has been hiding all this time.  He complains about his pay and lack of benefits, but he is really concerned that he is killing an important part of the environment; and while he says that they are just stupid beasts, you can tell that he feels bad for them.  After a few more hunts things take a turn for the worse, when the hunter gets a call that says one of the troll blood samples he sent in tested positive for rabies.  So now there are rabid trolls on the loose? Shit.  They end up getting stuck in a mine that is home to a nest of trolls and one of the students is killed, but that isn’t their biggest problem.  The government is on to the fact that they’re filming this and doesn’t take to kindly to that.  Although it isn’t shown in the footage, we are lead to believe that they were killed by ‘the man’ because of what they saw.

Alex’s Thoughts:  I saw a preview of this movie a while back and wanted to see it, just because it looked kind of goofy.  Not Syfy channel goofy/campy, just a little different from what I’ve been watching.  It was a bit odd at times, but I also though that it was really good.  Sure the idea of people hunting monsters from fairy tales is corny, but how is that any different from a movie about zombies or vampires.  It has a very unique storyline, and yeah the effects are pretty bad, but this is one of those movies where that doesn’t matter so much.  It was well paced, and even in the parts where there wasn’t a lot of action, they did a good job building tension and advancing the idea of how there creatures could exist and we not know about them.  In a nutshell this is a movie about the environment and doing the right thing, but it never gets too preachy about it, and that works out well for me.  If you can stand another shaky camera ‘found footage’ movie, you might enjoy this one.  I sure did.  Alex Rates This Movie 8/10  

Tim’s Thoughts: I had no idea what this was about going into it, and 20 minutes in, I was thinking to myself, “I am so sick of found footage movies” but then stuff started happening.  I couldn’t help but sit with my eyes glued to the screen. The unique monster choice sets this apart from the run of the mill shakey-cam movie, it adds a new mythology, so you aren’t just sitting there knowing how to kill/capture the monsters, and any other “rules” that may apply. I really enjoyed this, and if you don’t mind reading your movie, then I think you will enjoy it too. Tim Rates This Movie: 8/10

“I hate this fucking job.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue.

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Five Stories To Creep You Out

Filed under: Horror Hound, Oddball, Sci-Fi, Thriller Chiller — 1 Comment
October 4, 2011

Creepshow (1982)

This is an anthology similar to Twilight Zone: The Movie (but not nearly as good), where five short stories make up the movie.  We will break them down one at a time:

Father’s Day - An uppity family gathers for a dinner on Father’s Day, and talk about the death of the family patriarch why they wait for Drunk Aunt Bedelia.  She visits her father’s grave every year on Father’s Day, but this year it’s different.  Is she not drunk of her ass this year? No.  Is she not smoking a huge cigar this year? No.  Is she not remembering how she killed her father by bashing his brains in this year? No.  Is her father not rising from the grave to kill everyone in the family this year? No.. awww shit, YES.  Daddy just wants his Father’s Day cake!

The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill - Jordy (Steven King) is a hilljack just enjoying country life, when a meteor crashes in his front yard.  He does what any bumpkin would do to something that has flown through space and our atmosphere, he touches it.  And guess what?  It’s fucking hot!  He throws some water on it, and it splits open and release some blue goo out, but he is only concerned about all the money he is going to make when he sells it.  A short time later he notices that his fingers have started to turn green where he touched it, and soon after that plants begin to sprout from his fingers, slowly engulfing his entire house and the countryside.  Being a plant-man isn’t high on Jordy’s things to do list so he eats a bullet as the town is overcome by plant-life.  This story probably has some sort of deep message, but all we get out of it is “don’t fuck with things from outer space”.

Something To Tide You Over - Harry (Ted Danson) has been a bad boy. He’s been sleeping with another man’s wife.  One morning Richard (Leslie Neilsen), that ‘other man’, comes over to pay Harry a little visit.  Richard says that if Harry doesn’t come with him and do as he says he is going to kill the adulterous slut.  They drive out to Richard’s beach house where he proceeds to bury Harry up to his neck in sand.  He then brings out a tv and shows him that his wife is in the same shitty predicament.  As the tide rolls in, they both drown and Richard watches on monitors from his house.  He comes out later to find the bodies dragged out by the tide.  There is no way they became nasty bloated corpsey ghosts and are going to kill him the same way right?

The Crate - A janitor finds a crate under a stairwell while cleaning at the local university.  It is chained shut and looks to have been there for a hundred years.  He calls Dr. Stanley, one of the professors to come and take a look at it.  Of course this is in the middle of the night… we would have told that fat bastard to let us go back to sleep; that shit has been there a hundred years, it can wait 5 more hours so we can get some fuckin’ shut-eye.  Anyway they open up the crate and there is a shitty mask and some gloves in there that is supposed to be some kind of monster.  It attacks the janitor and another student and pulls them into the crate. It is implied that the creature is huge, and it pulls a normal size guy into the crate with him.  The only problem is that the crate is the size of a nightstand and wouldn’t hold an eight year old.  So apparently this crate is some sort of TARDIS or something.  Anyway… the doctor craps himself and goes to a friend’s house to ask for help. They clean up the bloody mess at the college, then he feeds his drunk bitch of a  wife to the monster before locking the crate back up and chucking it into a lake.

They’re Creeping Up On You - A crotchety old bugger named Upson Pratt is up late one night working.  The guy is a germaphobe and lives in a sterile room.  He is pissed because he sees a bug and starts bitching at whomever he can.  He receives a call from a woman whose husband just committed suicide because Pratt bought out his business.  She tells him she hopes he dies in the worst way he can imagine.  Well… this is her lucky day.  More and more bugs begin to creep into the apartment and are coming out of every hole around.  He retreats into his oxygen chamber of a bed room where all is well, except for the bed is made of bugs.  He is buried in a tidal wave of cockroaches and they eat him alive from the inside out.

Alex’s Thoughts:  While I didn’t think any of the stories were anything special, I did enjoy some of the acting.  Seeing Leslie Neilsen as a villain, and Steven King as an idiot were a couple of surprises.  The stories were short enough that even if they were bad, they went long, so it wasn’t a big deal.  If you’re a fan of short stories you might want to give this a look-see.   Alex Rates This Movie 6/10

Tim’s Thoughts: I LOVE CREEPSHOW!!  Yeah it shows its age, but I love the storytelling, and the short story format keeps the movie moving. Keep an eye out for a really young (and bad dancing) Ed Harris, the kid in the opening is King’s son, who is now a successful writer. While some may not like it by today’s standards, it is quality story telling, and good plain fun. Watch this and keep in mind that Romero’s tongue is firmly planted in his cheek and enjoy! (Yes, I also own the comic) I GOT MY CAKE!!!!    Tim Rates This Movie 9/10

“That’s a meteor. I’ll be dipped in shit if that ain’t a meteor!”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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No Gorillas In This Mist

Filed under: Horror Hound, Movie Reviews, Sci-Fi, Thriller Chiller — 1 Comment
October 3, 2011

The Mist (2007)

After a severe thunderstorm knocks out the neighborhood’s power, Thomas Jane and son head into town to get some supplies. On their way they see firefighters and various military personnel heading in the opposite direction. He chalks it up to just being part of a local military project called “Arrowhead”, and keeps on truckin’.  Meanwhile a dense mist is rolling in behind them, and as they get to the store it’s nearly caught up to them. As they are shopping a few soldiers come in and grab a few things; the store is packed with townies, and tensions are a bit high.  Nobody knows what’s happening, but this mist is a bit unsettling, and right about that point a bloody old man comes running into the store screaming “There’s something in the mist!” They slam the door behind him, and then everything shakes, as if a T-rex was walking outside.  As they investigate further, they discover that the mist is inhabited by creatures that seem to be out of an H.P. Lovecraft story, and they are trapped in this grocery store indefinitely. As the people split into factions, they fight over what to do, and who’s to blame. Will they survive? You gotta watch for yourself.

Alex’s Thoughts: This movie was not well recieved when it came out, and still doesn’t get the respect it deserves.  It is all kinds of great, with a well done story (Thanks to Steven King), and just the right amount of tension and scares to keep your eyes glued to the screen.  Like Tim says, the ending is something you have to see to believe and left me speechless.  No matter what you might have heard about this movie, it deserves to be watched.  Alex Rates This Movie 8/10

Tim’s Thoughts: This is one of my favorite horror movies in recent memory.  Some of the CG effects aren’t great, but the tension and the setup is fantastic. This is a movie that has the balls to not pull any punches. In my opinion is has the best ending of just about any horror movie I have ever seen, and it’s amplified by the fact that the studio cut the budget nearly in half to try and stop the director from using it. I would give it a 10, but like I said some of the CG isn’t great, but considering the budget cuts, and the strength of the acting and story, I can forgive those minor flaws.    Tim Rates This Movie 9/10

“I’ll tell you what. The day I need a friend like you, I’ll just have myself a little squat and shit one out.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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What’s Up, Dog?

Filed under: Comedy Gold, Horror Hound, Movie Reviews, Sci-Fi — 3 Comments
September 28, 2011

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (2010)

New Orleans is a crazy place, especially for private detective Dylan (Brandon Routh).  He has retired from his previous investigation job (more on that in a bit), and is now just catching cheating spouses with his assistant, Marcus.  They take on a case where a young woman’s father has been murdered, but the police believe it is a suicide; she claims that some ‘thing’ killed her pappy.  Dylan says that he doesn’t take these kind of cases anymore and leaves.  After thinking about it for a while, he takes the case once he realizes how hot the girl is and…  after Marcus has been murdered.  He checks out the crime scene and figures out that a werewolf was behind the attack.  You see, his previous job was keeping tabs on all of the monsters of New Orleans, and making sure the vampire,s werewolves and zombies behaved themselves.  Dylan and the woman discover that someone is after an item that her father possessed; a cross that can resurrect a demon.  He uses all his know-how and the newly resurrected zombie Marcus to figure out who has the most to gain from controlling a monster-hunting demon.

Alex’s Thoughts:  Having never read the comic this is based on, I wasn’t sure if I would know what was going on or if I could follow it. But it wasn’t a problem, as they did a good job incorporating his back story into the movie.  I really enjoyed Brandon Routh’s performance, and he seems to have really good comedic timing; too bad he isn’t in more movies.  There were times when the dialogue  struggled in parts, and it was obvious on-screen that it could have used another take, but for some reason they just left in the awkward line delivery.  I’m also not sure when this comic was written, but they use the word Trueblood a lot and reference vampires selling their own blood as a drug; and as a True Blood fan, it was somewhat off putting.  Overall though it was way better than I was expecting, especially seeing reviews online where this movie is just panned extremely hard.  I think one of the reasons I liked it so much, it that it had that great voiceover dialog out of old detective movies, and I love that.  So if you are interested in a movie that is a mix of Blade/ True Blood/ Underworld/ Dragnet this is right up your zombie filled alley.  Alex Rates This Movie 8/10

Tim’s Thoughts: I was pleasantly surprised with Dylan Dog. Like Alex, I never read the comic, and while this has a few weak points, (awkward dialogue, a few under pursued ideas,) I found myself loving the goofy Noir feeling, and all of the side characters were really fun. A great unique take on the undead/monster genre, I recommend this to my friends that will enjoy an offbeat movie, with quirky characters. Not for everyone, I think people in the right frame of mind could really have a good time with this film. Also Brandon Routh is a very underrated actor. Tim Rates This Movie 8/10

“So you’re telling me that I’m a zombie?  What does that mean exactly?”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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