Tag Archive: Val Kilmer


The Ghost and the Darkness (1996)

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Irish Engineer John Patterson (Val Kilmer) has been tasked by a railroad company to build a bridge over a river in Africa; the catch is that he only has five months in which to complete his task, and his a-hole boss will not accept failure.   No big whoop; he’s good at what he does, plus his wife is preggers and due in six months, so he will be home by then.  Upon arriving in Africa, he sets to work, only to have one of the workers attacked by a lion.  It just so happens that Patterson is an expert hunter, so he camps out in the trees that night and kills the beast responsible, which equals a big hero for the locals.  Things go on without incident for a few more weeks, which is until another lion attack.

This time it isn’t so much as a bite and a complete dismemberment.  The local workers are scared but he killed the lion last time he can do it again.  Time and time again the beast kills and evades his capture, but that’s because there are two lions, and they are good at what they do: kill humans for the fun of it.  With his boss on his case, Patterson brings in an American professional hunter named Remington (Michael Douglas) to kill the animals, but he doesn’t fare much better. With the death toll over 40, the rest of the workers scram leaving Remington and Patterson to face the beasts alone.

Alex’s Thoughts:  This movie got slammed by critics when it came out, and watching it, you can easily see why: Kilmer can’t do any sort of an accent and Michael Douglas rushes through everything like he would rather be somewhere else.  Main acting aside, the rest of the movie is good in my opinion, and I have always liked this flick.  The story is great (and true) and it’s set in a beautiful location.  The effects are spotty, but working with live lions probably isn’t the easiest thing in the world.  I can overlook the acting because it is a good story, and hopefully this might get remade someday with some good CGI effects. This will want to make you rush to the Field Museum in Chicago to see the lions that killed at least 100 men, which are there on display. Alex Rates This Movie 7/10 

Tim’s Thoughts:I think Kilmer’s Irish accent is fine, and while Micheal Douglas isn’t amazing in this, the rest of the characters are pretty interesting. The pacing is snappy, and the story moves along well and keeps your attention. I liked this movie a lot when it first came out, and my opinion hasn’t changed. The directing is solid and the story holds up, I need to do some research to see how true all of the movie is, but I have seen the lion at the Field Museum, so I know that much is real. Tim Rates This Movie 8/10

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View the IMDB entry for this movie here.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

A New York thief named Harry (Robert Downey Jr) accidentally wanders into an audition while running from the cops, and winds up being cast in a movie in LA.  While at a glitzy Hollywood party, he meets a girl whom he follows to a bar, and it ends up being his high school crush; but he accidentally bangs her friend so she isn’t interested.  The next morning he is sent out with a private detective named Gay Perry (Val Kilmer) to do some research for his movie role.  They are just doing some servalience work when they discover two guys speeding off from the house they are watching, and give chase.  They find the car dumped in a lake with a dead body in the truck, and are now being framed for the murder.  Harry’s crush comes back to him asking for help, as her sister has just been found dead and thinks he is a real detective.  It turns out that the dead girl and the sister have a connection as the bumbling actor/thief and queer detective try to unravel the mystery and try to got get themselves murdered.

Alex’s Thoughts:  I went into this one blind, having never even heard of this flick before.  I’m really glad I got to watch it though, as I was surprised by how great it was.  The entire movie is a nod back to old detective movies and pulp comics, and I think it pulls that off really nicely.  RDJ and Kilmer are a great team and play off of each other really well; and was surprised at just how funny Val Kilmer still is.  You don’t really think of him as a comedic actor, but he is quite good at it.  And there is a reason why Downey keeps getting chances in Hollywood even though he has some issues: he is fucking awesome at what he does.  This role was either made exclusively for him, or he just took it and made it his.  Perfection.  If you like buddy cop action comedies you will love this! Alex Rates This Movie 8/10

Tim’s Thoughts: Alex is 100% correct with this one, Kiss Kiss falls under the category of great movies you’ve never heard of. Kilmer and Downey are a fantastic duo, and the snappy directing just has to keep up. Really fun story telling, and it’s always a joy watching great actors just work their characters to the fullest extent. I can’t rave enough about the chemistry between the two leads, so I will stop here, so just go watch it already! Tim Rates This Movie:9/10

Look up “idiot” in the dictionary. You know what you’ll find?… The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

Willow

Release Date:  5/20/1988 – Rated PG

Starring: Warwick Davis (Harry Potter), Val Kilmer (The Saint)

Plot Summary:  In this fantasy tale, the lands are ruled by the evil queen Bavmorda; who seeks to destroy a baby girl who has been prophesied will end her rule.  That baby is born, but is immediately whisked away by a nursemaid before she can be killed, and ends up being floated down a river.  She is eventually found by a Nelwyn (midget) farmer and wanna-be sorcerer named Willow Ufgood.  The midget town council decides that the baby needs to be returned to her people, the Daikinis (normal sized people), and sends Willow off to give the baby to the first Daikini he finds.  It just so happens that the first one they find is a dirty guy in a cage named Madmartigan. Madmartigan eventually convinces the Peck’s (midgets) to let him out of the cage and they hand over the baby. On the way home a Brownie (dessert) riding a hawk goes zooming over their heads with the baby, oh shit, that can’t be safe, they follow the bird deeper into the woods and are attacked by more Brownies (more desserts). The queen of the forest, or something like that, appears and releases Willow (midget) and his buddy (yet another midget) and sets them on the quest to find a banished sorcerer to help battle Bavmorda. Two Brownies (idiots) accompany Willow to be his guide on this quest. They run into Madmartigan again, and on the island find that the great sorceress has been changed into a muskrat, or some kind of marmot. They fight off the evil queen’s forces only to have the baby snatched away in the confusion, maybe that’s because they left someone the size of a fire hydrant to protect the child in the middle of a battle, but whatever.  As the ritual to banish the child is going on, Willow (midget) and his posse (regular size people) fight to get the baby back. There’s an old lady fight, a midget versus an end table, and a magic trick, and bada-boom bada-bing the world is saved, and Willow (midget) goes back to his village (a crap-ton of midgets).   

Alex’s Thoughts:  I really liked this as a kid: it had magic, monsters and sword fighting; everything a 9 year-old could want.  Watching it as an adult, I like it for completely different reason’s now – it has witty dialog and a great story.   This story was written by George Lucas, and as a kid growing up in the early 80′s, that was like gold.  The story has his fingerprints all over it, and this was when the man could write a story; and not the crap he has churned out lately and shit all over my childhood.   This is just a great flick and would be great to watch with your family, it’s got something for everyone. 

Tim’s Thoughts:This movie makes me so angry, I have been fuming since rewatching this. I can’t believe that now after watching Willow and Return of the Jedi that we didn’t see Jar Jar Binks coming. Between the ewoks and the those damn brownies, I should have known, and I blame myself having seen both of these movies several times. Lucas wimpifying his stories to make them appeal to kids, when they are really solid fantasy/space opera stories. The characters in this movie are epic, there is so much depth to the setting, and some pretty awesome monsters, but then there are the brownies. Every time I started to enjoy myself, one of those little bastards pops out of a pocket and says something stupid, and to make things worse, I actually laughed a few times. It’s simply unforgivable, and I am having trouble reconciling this fact. This movie is good, yes the effects are dated, and I think it’s a bit too long, but it’s a lot of fun.

Final Thoughts:   Who the hell doesn’t like this movie?  If you haven’t seen it, you had better be like twelve; and if you are twelve shouldn’t you be going to bed?  It’s a school night for fuck’s sake!  If you like midgets this is the one for you. It’s got the one from Bad Santa, the one from Bordello of Blood, the one from leprechaun and the main midget from The Wizard of Oz.

Alex Rates This Movie 9/10

Tim Rates This Movie 9/10

 ”Don’t play with that wand! It holds vast powers. Only a real sorcerer can use it, not a stupid peck like you.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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